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Helping a toddler with nighttime fears, the logistics of taking a baby to the beach, the ideal age-spacing between siblings, and helping a two-year-old feel special when a new baby arrives. These are the listener questions we answer in this week’s episode of The Mom Hour. Join us!
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Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 163:
- Dr. Laura Markham of Aha! Parenting responds to a similar question to Laura’s about toddler sleep separation anxiety–long but worth the read
- Meagan’s beautiful essay at HuffPost Parents about older kids with nighttime fears
- The Opposite of Worry, by Lawrence J. Cohen (the book Sarah talked about)
Queue It Up!
We recommended a two-part series in our Queue It Up! segment this week. They are episodes 128 and 129 on Routines, Rituals, and Traditions from November 2017. Part 1 (more about transitions evolving in times of change) is here, and Part 2 (more about smaller rituals and routines that make family life meaningful) is here.
Thanks so much for answering my question on toddler bedtime fears! Love the tips, there’s a few we’ve been incorporating (with success!) and a few new ones to try. We had actually just gotten back to the point of bedtime going well for a few weeks when she had a regression just last week and it felt like we were starting back at square one. So this is perfectly timed!
Hi Laura! Yay! So glad you enjoyed the episode. Hopefully it will help others in a similar situation long after your bedtime struggles are past and you’re all sleeping through the night again. 😉
We’re expecting our second child in a few months and I have been really struggling with how our 2 year old is going to handle it. When you said that a sibling is not something you did to your child, I burst into tears (hormones, right?). But it was exactly what I needed to hear so thank you!
Oh Ashley, I’m so glad that struck a chord with you. You’re going to do great!
I very much enjoyed listening to the podcast again and only wanted to mention two more things I found helpful when having a newborn and a toddler:
Babywearing. Being helpful with one child it was a real lifesaver with the second. Especially if you learn to carry baby on your back you can practically have one on one time with your toddler and still meet the baby’s needs at the same time.
I also found it helpful to verbalise it, when I occasionally made the baby wait a little, because I wanted to finish something for the toddler: “Wait a second baby, I’ll nurse you right away, I just have to open this box for your brother.” I think it helped the toddler to understand, that both he and the baby had to wait occasionally and the baby was not aways first.
I second your advice on not dwelling on the older sibling being “big”. In fact, they are pretty small and entitled to behave that way, too. When my oldest was six, that seemed pretty mature compared to his siblings. Now my oldest is 18 and the youngest at 12 seems to be still a little kid. It”s all very relative. 🙂
Freddy from Germany
who of course binge-listened to every episode, including the kitchen hour 😉
Freddy, I LOVE these suggestions, and I can’t believe we didn’t bring up babywearing in this particular question/answer! Also, I TOTALLY did that same thing about verbalizing when the toddler was getting priority but forgot about it! I actually still do that with my three kids, to emphasize that I’m giving one of them my full attention while the others need to wait (usually now it’s about letting somebody finish a sentence ;)). Thanks for the great comments, and for your support!
I just had some more thoughts for the parents expecting child number three. If you are considering child care (and have the budget) I would also consider what else that money could do. I don’t know how expensive kindergarden (or whatever) might be where you live but hpw far could that money go in helping you relax? For example I pay about 150 dollar per month whoch could instead be used for a meal service (30, twice a month) and someone to clean our house (80, once a month). Or maybe hire a babysitter to take care of the baby a couple hours, once a week, so you have time to go to the park with the toddler. I don’t know if I’m explaining that well but I hope you get it!
Totally makes sense, Ellen, and I love these thoughts. Thank you!