I just got done filling stockings. They’re currently slumped against my bedroom wall, as full as they’re going to get. Likewise, the stack of gifts below the tree downstairs isn’t getting any bigger. The breakfast menu I’ve planned isn’t getting any more ambitious, either. The stores are closed, the night is over, my work here is done.

I didn’t hit all the marks, but that’s what next year, or the year after, or…never is for.

For now, all I can do is give myself thanks and gratitude for the effort I put in.

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Even in a typical year, there can be a sense of letdown when the guests all leave or the last gift is opened. And in 2020, I worry that the letdown may be much more acute, as many of the traditions that would have given the hours and days after Christmas morning shape and joy and meaning simply aren’t happening this year – to say nothing about all the things that ALSO won’t be happening in January and February.

But here’s the good news: the holiday doesn’t end at midnight on December 25. Many of us have an extended break ahead, whether it’s time off from work or kids home from school. And even if you don’t get the benefits of a longer break, you’ll probably notice that the world around you is still moving in a kind of slow-motion, inviting us all to indulge in some more relaxation and cheer before we get back to our usual routines.

I’d love for you to plan your post-holiday self-care with me, so we don’t find those after-Christmas days slipping away. What would you love most to spend next week doing?

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Your holiday to-do list wasn’t a manifest of demands penned by a hostile captor, it was an optimistic catalog of suggestions lovingly created for your present self by your past self.

Literally everything on it is optional.
And best yet, much of it is still doable.

The Elf can show up for 2 days instead of 25.

Your un-mailed Christmas cards can go out on Friday as “holiday cards”.

You can make cookies on Christmas Eve. Or Christmas Day. Or not at all.

You are not behind: not today, not tomorrow, not even 7 PM Thursday evening.

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Holiday preparation is basically a full-time job, but the rest of life doesn’t actually stop while it’s going on. We still have kids and jobs and homes and bodies that need our attention.

It can feel like a personal failure to re-prioritize so that some things get less attention, but it’s really the only way to manage the load.

As we head into the final stretch of the holiday season, be sure to give yourself permission to reverse the order of priorities in your daily life.

You probably can’t fit it all in, so ask yourself: what are the most urgent things to tackle today?

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I used to hate wrapping presents. Or, at least, I said I did. I think what I meant was, “This doesn’t come naturally to me” and “I don’t like the end result” and also “Gosh, this takes a long time.” But one year, I decided to flip the script on wrapping gifts – I’d turn the whole thing into a fun, festive ritual, just for me.

And as I sang and sipped and mashed the wrinkled ends of wrapper together with eight or nine too-long pieces of tape, I thought about how happy I hoped the gifts would make my little crew of people, how excited I imagined they would be when they spied the brightly-colored pile under the tree and opened the packages one by one.

And yes, I learned to love it.

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Maybe your spouse or partner is just bad at giving gifts. Maybe your spouse or partner is not just bad at giving gifts, but kind of purposefully Grinchy about it. Maybe you’re just plain exhausted from performing all the emotional labor of shopping for your kids, your partner, your extended family and possibly in-laws, and not having anyone give you back the same amount of effort. Maybe you’re inadvertently making it harder on yourself by indulging in the Holiday Mom Syndrome blend of self-denial, running yourself ragged, and expectation.

Whatever the reasons you feel let down when you open your gifts, Mama: you are not alone, and what you’re feeling is not wrong.

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