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in Blog on February 7, 2022 by Joanna Martin

Navigating Finances With Your Partner

When I was freshly engaged, I envisioned so many aspects of my soon-to-be-married life: slow weekends and sipping our coffee leisurely on our apartment balcony, double dates with friends, grocery shopping and cooking together… I was basically envisioning our life through the lens of a Crate & Barrel catalog.

Nowhere in those pages did I see couples hashing out finances and poring over spreadsheets. We touched on financial planning in our premarital counseling, but it seemed so stressful and unsexy at the time! Now, ten years into our marriage, I have seen the light and relish in a routine that we’ve instituted: monthly financial and life logistics planning meetings (while sipping our coffee or making dinner together). The longer we are married, the more value I find (and dare I say a little bit of sexiness??) in this regularly planned dialogue with my partner. 

A Brief History

My partner and I discussed our finances very openly and honestly before we were engaged, and during our engagement preparations. We set a list of short-term goals (start contributing to our respective retirements, pay off student loan debt, start saving for a house, etc.), but we hadn’t yet experienced each other’s day-to-day financial living style as a partnership. Three years into our marriage, we began seriously considering buying our first home, and we decided to check in with each other on our budget monthly. It was a vulnerable and uncomfortable experience to really dive into every dollar we were spending and check receipts with each other. As someone with an aversion to financial talk in general, I felt humbled and awkward. I didn’t always enjoy our meetings, but having the end-goal of buying our first home in mind helped me stay the course. 

Evolution Over Time

After we bought our first house, we added more expenses to our monthly budget chats: homeownership costs, house projects, new savings goals, and at this point we had already added one child to our family unit and knew we hoped to have more. We decided that these financial meetings were a good habit – we were reaching our goals and our communication was truly thriving. Talking about finances so openly and honestly helped our communication in other areas of our marriage, as well. As we added more children to our home and social commitments to our life, I realized that this monthly money talk was also a good opportunity to go over our family calendar, and thus the monthly Navigator’s Council Meeting was born. 

Where We Are Today

Two houses, three kids, and ten years into our partnership, our monthly meetings continue to go strong. We aren’t as strict on having them the first week of the month because we can feel when it’s been a while and we both need to sit down and hash it all out. We adopted the title Navigator’s Council Meetings (a reference to the book A Severe Mercy) for our meetings since we steer the ship of our family. 

Each meeting has a general format we like to follow: 

  • Money
  • Calendar
  • Home
  • Kids/Parenting
  • Personal Goals
  • Miscellaneous 
  • Love Note

We don’t always cover each topic, and sometimes we spend more time on one topic than another. We always make sure to end on a hopeful and loving note to each other. After getting all the family administration talk out of the way, we want to remind each other that we have these meetings to live out our love better for each other and our family unit.  

These meetings were a huge adjustment for me and our relationship. They took time, effort, vulnerability, and some deep work and reflection on my own financial insecurities and trauma. Respectfully discussing our finances and life logistics has transformed my marriage in ways I never expected. We are hoping one day to add our kids to the mix to instill in them the importance of such conversations for themselves and any relationships they may have in the future.

Deep and honest financial conversations may not be idealized in every wedding planning magazine, but they will transform your partnership in ways that are much more fulfilling than that perfect, coffee-sipping magazine photo couple any day. 

Want More On Finances and Home Management? Hit Play On An Episode:

Featured image by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash.

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Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: money, self

About Joanna Martin

Joanna is a lifelong Dallas resident with a bearded husband, two spirited sisters, one sweet boy and a very needy dog inhabiting the walls of her home. She graduated from The University of Texas at Dallas with degrees in Child Learning and Development and Psychology before becoming a public school teacher. She is now a stay-at-home mom who dabbles in too many hobbies and activities to count, making life very full and very beautiful.

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One of our most popular blog posts EVER is refresh One of our most popular blog posts EVER is refreshed for 2022! Click this image at the link in our bio to read the just-structured-enough approach Sarah took during those long AZ summers at home when her kids were 6, 4, and 1.5. 😎 

#stayathomemom #preschoolers #summermomlife #arizonasummer #summerschedulefortoddlers #summerscheduledforpreschoolers #samplesummerschedule #summerdaysathom
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Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

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Math Quiz: If 3 kids dirty an average of 15 dishes Math Quiz: If 3 kids dirty an average of 15 dishes per day while away at school 7 hours per day, how many additional dishes will they dirty while home all day for summer break?

67. The answer is 67. Yes, I’ve checked my work! Maybe someone who passed calculus can explain? 🤪 -M

#mommath #drowningindishes #summerbreakisnotreallyabreak
Happy weekend - and a big thanks to our June spons Happy weekend - and a big thanks to our June sponsors! Every month, we like to take a little time to shoutout our partners who help support the show + remind our listeners of some of the great deals our sponsors are offering. For more info, specific promo codes, and links, just search the brand name on our website, and they'll pop up in our episode show notes. We also collect ALL our active promo codes (even the old ones that are still working!) in our email newsletter - which is full of other great things we want to share with you, too. Tap on this image at the link in our bio to subscribe today. 

Meet our NEW partners this month . . .
🗣️ @connectspeech (early language support!)
💙 @appahealth (1st month of mentorship free!)
💄 @thrivecausemetics (15% off your 1st order)

And welcome back to . . .
⭐️ @paireyewear (15% off your 1st purchase!)
⭐️ @autoapprove ($100 when you refinance!)
⭐️ @outschool ($15 off your child's 1st class!)
⭐️ @mindandchild ($20 off Parenting 101 course!)
⭐️ @flowkey_com (20% off subscription piano app!)
⭐️ @stitchfix ($20 off your 1st purchase!)
⭐️ @publicgoods ($15 off, no minimum!)
⭐️ @scholasticinc (books for kids of all ages!)
⭐️ @hiyahealth (50% off 1st order!)
⭐️ @kiwico_inc (30% off your 1st mo!)
⭐️ @ritual (10% off 1st 3 mo!)
⭐️ @athleticgreens (1yr of Vit.D + 5 travel packs!)
⭐️ @vionicshoes (free shipping on cute shoes!)
⭐️ @project_wren (10 trees planted when you sign up!)
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Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts #travelingwoes #travelingwithkids #familytravelmishaps
New on the blog this week from @kiamhammond: Learn New on the blog this week from @kiamhammond: Learning About Juneteenth, As A Family.

"Like many families, mine is still figuring out how to teach our children about Juneteenth, as learning the history wasn't part of my education or my husband's when we were kids. The good news is, books written for children and families are a great way for the whole family to learn (and there are a lot of them!)."

Click this image at the link in our bio to read Kia’s book recommendations and more ways to start the conversation at home with your family.

#juneteenth #history #blackhistory #parenting #juneteenthbooksforkids #summerreading
New episode! As moms, we can be hard on ourselves New episode!

As moms, we can be hard on ourselves…and sometimes we just need to hear the simplest, oft-repeated pieces of advice and encouragement to remind us that it is all going to be OK. Join Meagan and Sarah for a reflection on eight pieces of wisdom that have carried us through motherhood struggles at every age and stage. We are offering them to you, to ourselves, and to all of our future selves in Episode 369.

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts #momtruisms #momtruths #parentingadvice #motherhoodstruggles
Just a “hello” from last-week-me, who spent 30 Just a “hello” from last-week-me, who spent 30 minutes moving 25 chickens by hand from their home to the new chicken yard, because they refused to go on their own. And then an hour moving them back, because same.

It reminded me a lot of mothering a toddler, and got me wondering: what’s the most ridiculous thing mom life has brought you in the past week? -M
New episode! Have you ever fantasized about atten New episode!

Have you ever fantasized about attending a camp-like environment for grown-ups? Much about the classic summer camp experience is appealing to us (though not EVERYTHING--we could certainly do without the bugs), and the idea of simply showing up for a perfectly curated experience without any responsibility, or planning, sounds AMAZING. Listen to this fun More Than Mom to hear all of our must-have activities (like food and wine tastings, yoga, personal style consults and more!), things that would be a hard no (like swimming in the gross, murky lake or participating in corny, guided crafts) and our daydreams about creating a Mom Hour Retreat (maybe someday?)!

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts #summercamps #womenretreats #momretreat
New on the blog this week from @jaymesherrod: LGBT New on the blog this week from @jaymesherrod: LGBTQ+ Resources For Parents (And Anyone Who Wants To Learn!). 

"The fact is, none of us will get it right every time. Not with each other, and certainly not with our kids. But it’s important that we keep showing up and having the conversations anyway."

Click this image at the link in our bio to access Jayme's roundup of resources.

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