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in Blog on March 4, 2020 by Sarah Powers

All The Work We Do Not See

This essay originally appeared in our monthly newsletter for The Mom Hour podcast. To get our emails, subscribe here. –Sarah

First, a little March pun for you:

My kids have loved this cartoon every year since they were about four. There’s something so fun about kids’ developing senses of humor, isn’t there? We are unapologetic wordplay enthusiasts over here.

I’ve started this essay a few different times, debating whether I should tell you about my #40DaysTo40 walking challenge, or about how we got hit with Influenza A, or maybe something comforting about the novel coronavirus. But you can see my walking photos on my Instagram (check the story highlight!), listen to Meagan and I talk about the flu in Episode 249, and read about how I deal with end-of-days anxiety in this essay from last summer.

So instead I want to tell you about Laurence, the french chef who catered my birthday dinner in February, and why I think motherhood is a little bit like an expertly cooked meal.

For my 40th birthday my parents and my husband hosted a dinner party for fifteen people, catered by a woman in her fifties who grew up in the North of France and came to California as an adult. In addition to creating the four-course meal, she also gave a demonstration in my parents’ kitchen that was one of the most memorable parts of the night.

Unlike a cooking class where attendees actually get their hands dirty and make a dish, Laurence was under no obligation to ensure that each of us could produce a finished meal. We were there only to watch, and to learn. She mixed anecdotal tips with classically trained technical instruction and some cool food science–and she talked while cooking and tasting and laughing and never once seemed remotely stressed or distracted. It lasted about 40 minutes (she edited what she chose to share, of course–this meal was hours in the creating), and it was amazing.

And then, about an hour later, we got to eat the finished dishes Laurence had so artfully explained. It was delicious, and all the more so for our deeper understanding of the work involved.

It made me think how easy it is to forget the level of expertise that goes into any product of creativity, love, and practiced confidence. We know that a stage performance involves hours of rehearsal, and that a novel represents crumpled drafts and many rounds of edits, but when we’re in consumption mode it’s easy to marvel at the finished product without really considering the thousands of little decisions that went into it.

Like emulsifying herbs in mustard and vinegar before adding the oil to a salad dressing. Or using a salt grain that compliments your protein in both size and flavor. Shopping from market vendors who grow in-season produce, and preheating a pan before putting anything in it. Many of the details Laurence talked about weren’t things most of us have time to incorporate into a weeknight dinner (although some absolutely were), but every single one of them contributed to the generally elevated experience of tasting the completed dishes later that evening. And getting to watch her measure, pour, eyeball, sear, baste, season, whisk and plate–WHILST CARRYING ON A CONVERSATION–was a great reminder of all the work we don’t see that goes into the stuff we love.

And I think parenting small children is a bit like this in a way, too. Those outside your home see a rather “produced” version of your family–the final plated dish, if you will: kids who are (usually) fully dressed and (mostly) functioning as members of society to the best of their ability (I acknowledge here that sand-throwing and drooling are acceptable social norms for certain age groups, so this is all relative). They may catch you on a good day or a really really bad one, but when the world at large encounters you and your children, they do so without comprehending the work going on behind the scenes.

And that behind-the-scenes work you’re doing? The work you do when the rest of the world isn’t watching, the hundreds of small decisions and clever shortcuts you employ in the name of raising an eventual adult or three? Like Laurence’s simple but incredibly thoughtful salad dressing, it’s where the good stuff happens. Your patient explanations and your sibling squabble mediation, the chore charts you design and the sleep training program you try really really hard to follow, the grapes you cut into quarters and the late-night behavior strategy sessions with your co-parent: these things matter.

So here’s an invitation for this month: Let’s assume the best about each other. Let’s appreciate the hard work going on behind the scenes, and the incredible time and effort being spent on the things that we enjoy–whether those things come in the form of art, food, literature, or (because let’s be honest it’s not easy) a Costco trip where nobody lost their mind. Because if I learned one thing from Laurence besides the thing about preheating the pans, it’s that understanding the hard work that goes into creating a thing of beauty makes it all the more beautiful.

Photo by Pablo Lancaster Jones on Unsplash

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Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: mom confidence

About Sarah Powers

Sarah Powers is co-host and Executive Producer of The Mom Hour podcast. She lives in Santa Barbara, CA with her husband and three kids, ages 9, 11, and 13.

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...learning to read 
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Here’s your January reminder to save shoeboxes f Here’s your January reminder to save shoeboxes for February and March classroom projects! Valentine boxes and leprechaun traps are around the corner, and shoe boxes are so much harder to come by these days. Consider this a friendly head’s up from a mom who’s been there.

Want more help and tips, plus reassurance that you’re doing a great job? (You are.) Search for The Mom Hour in your favorite podcast app and hit subscribe!

#kindergarten #firstgrade #valentinebox #leprechauntrap #shoeboxcraft #roomparent #roommom #classroomvalentines #parenting #momlife #parentingtip #tipsformoms
Looking to implement daily "quiet time" for presch Looking to implement daily "quiet time" for preschoolers? Even for kids who want to GO GO GO all day long, having a built-in pause in the day can help develop independent play skills, encourage rest, and - of course - give caregivers a chance to reset as well.

Since this week's podcast episode is all about kids and alone time, we thought we'd revisit this resource on the blog by Sandy Hsu:

👉 How To Encourage Independence In Preschoolers With A “Quiet Time” Routine. 👈 

Sandy (@hopefulsmiles) give tips for implementing a successful quiet time routine AND rounds up products and activities that help make independent play more likely - even in young preschoolers. Check it out by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

#quiettime #parentingtoddlers #parentingpreschoolers #momoflittles #stayathomemom #stayathomeparent #activitiesforpreschoolers #activitiesfortoddlers #threeyearolds #fouryearolds #fiveyearolds #momlife #sahm #sahmlife
New episode! Does solitude come naturally to your New episode!

Does solitude come naturally to your kids, or are moments of solo play far and few between? Meagan and Sarah read some research recently that challenged us to think about the importance of alone time, and whether our kids get enough. In this episode, we dive into our own childhood memories, how our children embrace (or run from) solitude, and how challenging it is to find that just-right balance. Join us! 

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
New episode! With all the day-to-day planning requ New episode! With all the day-to-day planning required to run a household, it's easy to put longterm planning on the back burner. Today Meagan and Sarah share lessons we've learned (or are still learning) that help us look ahead at a whole year, quarter, or month at a time. From knowing ourselves and our seasonal rhythms to figuring out where they keep next year's school calendar, we've picked up a few things over the years, and we're ready to dive in for 2023. Join us! 

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal y Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal you heard on our podcast? You're in luck because here's our sponsor roundup for January. Once a month, we use this space to thank our partners and remind you of their special offers. For our special promo codes and links, just tap our saved "Sponsors" highlight or search the brand name on our website. And when you do check out our sponsors + use our links and codes, it helps support our show! We also collect ALL our active promo codes in our email newsletter - which is full of our latest episodes and blog posts, personal updates, community news, and more. Tap on this image at the link in our bio to subscribe today.

Shoutout to our NEW sponsors:
🍳 @caraway_home (10% off gorgeous, non-toxic cookware!)
💪 @futurefitapp (risk-free trial of 1-on-1 personal training!)
🔪 @prepdish (2 weeks free of healthy, prep-ahead meal plans!)
🎨 @minted (design marketplace with art, bags, gifts & more!)
📚 @chatbooks (deals on the easiest photo books ever!)
😍 @fabletics (2 stylish workout bottoms for $24!)

And welcome back . . . 
⭐️ @stitchfix ($20 off your 1st purchase!)
⭐️ @theessentialcalendar (10% off full-season calendars!)
⭐️ @hiyahealth (50% off 1st order!)
⭐️ @kiwico_inc (50% off your 1st mo!)
⭐️ @athleticgreens (1yr of Vit.D + 5 travel packs!)
⭐️ @vionicshoes (free shipping on cute, comfy shoes!)
Braces on, braces off. First phones, driver's ed, Braces on, braces off. First phones, driver's ed, high school registration. As we discussed in this week's episode, we still get all the feels when older kids meet cultural or developmental milestones - even if they cringe when we celebrate and share.

Would love to hear what you're celebrating about your older kids! Everything from learning a new skill to blossoming independence - leave us a comment! 

PS - Listen to the episode in your favorite podcast app, or by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

#parenting #parentingbigkids #parentingteens #parentingtweens #bigkidmilestone #teenagers #tweens #momoftweens #momofteens #momofteenagers
Turns out, when your last baby approaches double-d Turns out, when your last baby approaches double-digits, you find yourself staring a different milestone right in the (puffy) face:

It's been a decade since I was pregnant for the last time. 

This photo was taken the morning of my scheduled c-section, just a few hours before we'd meet our third and last babe. It's hard to remember, but I'm SURE I was ready to be done. Constant braxton-hicks, heartburn I hadn't experienced with the other two, food aversions that lasted the whole 39w5d, and physical exhaustion trying to keep up with a 2- and 4-year old: all part of an otherwise uncomplicated pregnancy, but still nobody's idea of easy.

I don't miss it - being pregnant. Grateful to have had the experience, absolutely. But I've never really pined for another go-around, at least not seriously. Still, a whole decade removed feels as significant a milestone to me as does the notion that that double-dimpled babe will blow out ten candles this weekend.

Time, like, whoa. 

-Sarah
If you're looking at school options for Fall 2023, If you're looking at school options for Fall 2023, you might be feeling overwhelmed by school tours, open houses, registration deadlines, or the all-too-common "red shirting question". That's why today we're revisiting an enormously detailed resource on our site: 

➡️ What Teachers & Educators Wish Parents Knew About Making School Decisions ⬅️

This piece is a collaboration between four educators on our team whose careers span preschool through middle school. They weigh in what what they wish parents knew about things like...

...choosing “the right school” 
...what it means to be “ready for kindergarten” 
...visiting a school for a tour or open house 
...learning to read 
...kids and friendships; playground politics
...making school decisions for a special needs student 
...becoming part of a classroom or school community 
 
Click this image at the link in our bio to get the guide. Bookmark it, send it to your co-parent or mom friends, and use it as a starting place as you wade through this tricky time of year! 

@lisaapayne4 @ashleydawn519 @thepaperdart @cafedumartin
C-e-l-e-b-r-a-t-e good times, come on! Today’s e C-e-l-e-b-r-a-t-e good times, come on! Today’s episode is number 400! We can’t think of a better way to celebrate hitting a big podcast milestone than talking about how we honor birthdays and milestone celebrations in our families – especially as kids get older. Join Meagan and Sarah as we offer insight into making birthdays special for big kids, tweens and teens; how kids getting older hits us differently as moms, too; and how honoring big kid milestones gets tricker, but still gives us all the feels. 

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
Y'all's reaction to our entire catalog now being a Y'all's reaction to our entire catalog now being available has been so fun! Listeners have told us that they're now able to re-listen to old favorites, or - amazing for us - share them directly with friends.

(If you missed it, previously, podcast apps showed only our most recent 300 episodes – less than half our catalog. The rest were only available on our website.)

Just for fun, we rounded up a few more of our team's favorite episodes from the early days of the podcast. Here are five MORE oldies that have stood the test of time, and that make for great entry-points to our early catalog.

You can listen from our website by clicking this image at the link in our bio – but EVEN BETTER, you can find the episodes in your favorite podcast app - just search by episode title, or keep on scrolling until you find them!

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