This episode contains a story of pregnancy loss.
October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and recently we’ve seen online and in celebrity culture a few examples of women talking must more openly about their loss experiences, even sharing very vulnerable photos with the world like Chrissy Teigan did earlier this month. Here at The Mom Hour, we are 100% on board with movements that make moms feel less alone in their experience, so we think it’s really important to continue sharing these stories.
In today’s special bonus episode, Sarah talks with Leeann Dearing about her personal experience with pregnancy loss. Leeann is an actress, entrepreneur and proud homeschool mom, and she’s also co-founder of the funny mom duo and viral video company Leeann & Michelle, whose videos you have probably seen taking over the internet. We’re so grateful to Leeann for her time with us today.
Links we mentioned in this episode:
- Leeann’s story about losing baby Marian at 18 weeks, as shared on @leeannandmichelle’s Instagram page
- Chrissy Tiegan’s loss story, also shared on Instagram
- Jaclyn Elizabeth Photography (the photographer friend of Leeann’s who took their hospital photos)
- Dearing Acting Studio
- Leeann & Michelle’s viral videos
- You can see the letter from Joanna Gaines on this page
- Cold Coffee Comedy Crew
- Leeann & Michelle Think They’re Funny (brand new podcast, out NOW!)
Photo by Jan Antonin Kolar on Unsplash
I listened to this episode on the way home from Mexico on 10/26/20. I am not sure when it dropped but I couldn’t bring myself to listen to it while on vacation. Because sometimes it’s easier to not feel the sadness. I am 39, have a 2-year old daughter, and had a miscarriage on 6-1-20.
I was so excited for Baby #2. He/she was going to be Charlotte’s play buddy and the perfect completion to my ideal family unit. I found out I was pregnant on April 27, without trying for too long. (My first pregnancy took 3 years of practice, a diagnosis of “unexplained infertility,” and the threat of an IUI appointment) My husband was shocked, lol. It took him a few days to digest the news, but, hello, we were not using protection. Men! 🙂
Our parents were over the moon and we shared the news on Mother’s Day. The following day I had my first OB appointment. She couldn’t detect a heartbeat, but attributed to it “being too early.” I was disappointed, but, not discouraged. From that moment on, things felt different. Or maybe it was Mama’s intuition.
My next appointment was 6-1-20 and my OB said my labs were off and the ultrasound technician couldn’t find a heartbeat after trying for 20 minutes (eternity). This was at the height of Covid, when doctor’s offices started opening again. I will always remember the kindness of the technician. She took off her glove, held my hand, and wiped my tears. Even though , in the back of her mind (and mine), we were both wondering, uh oh, this is against Covid rules. She was my angel that fateful day.
What followed was 72 hours of crying fits. I could not wrap my head around the fact that it happened to me. I am a pharmacist, I know the statistics. But, you just NEVER think it’s going to happen to you. Also, I am getting older and was worried it would never happen again.
What resonated most from this episode was Leeann’s saying to “just sit in it.” And, that’s what I did. I took off 3 days from work. My self care included: Crying, journaling (tremendous help), crying, yoga, crying, meditation, crying, hugs from my daughter, crying. I ordered a blueberry necklace (7-week old loss) from Etsy so that I would have something tangible for remembrance. I wore it often after the miscarriage and now wear it when I need to. Every day is different.
I write this for myself. A way to cope, grieve, and let out all my sadness.
Thank you, Meagan and Sarah, for everything. You have no idea who I am, but, know that you have changed my life with this community. I will continue to recommend this podcast to every mama I know.