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in Blog on December 13, 2018 by Meagan Francis

The Christmas Of Changes

This essay originally appeared in our monthly newsletter for The Mom Hour podcast. To get our emails, subscribe here. –Meagan

My oldest son Jacob just turned 21, which means that this year will mark my 22nd Christmas as a mom. I remember Jacob’s first Christmas well: though he was just a month old, I took my role as “mom at holiday time” seriously, carefully decorating our little apartment with gold bows, white lights, a 3’ hand-me-down artificial tree, and a small array of ornaments and decorations, also handed down or given to us as wedding gifts. Jacob watched contentedly from his swing as I buzzed around the apartment, doing my twenty-year-old best to make the season merry and bright.

Growing up, I always loved the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas better than any other part of the year. Most of the year my mom was busy, distracted, and often depressed; but before Christmas, things seemed to shift. She seemed energized by the season, and after the last little one was picked up from the in-home daycare she ran during the day, she’d shift enthusiastically into decorating, baking, and ornament-making, with Nat King Cole and Bing Crosby crooning in the background. We got out the “good” linens and dishes for Christmas Dinner, which felt special even as the cloth napkins, in shades of 70s rust and avocado green, grew undeniably dated. Our holidays were never over-the-top, but I remember them as some of the happiest moments of my childhood.

Looking back, I think there was another reason I was so attached to the holidays: they were predictable. My parents separated when I was five, and there was a fair amount of upheaval in the ensuing years, as my dad moved a day’s drive away and both parents remarried – and re-divorced – by the time I was 10.

But in the midst of all that change, the holidays remained more or less the same. I always spent Christmas Eve and Day at home with my mom, and usually with most of my siblings. We were always allowed to open one gift on Christmas Eve, and saved the rest for the morning. We always went to the same church for the Christmas Eve services, and the services always ended with the congregation singing “Silent Night” while passing a flame through the pews with white candles with cardboard guards to keep the wax from dripping on the holder’s hands. Even the candles were the same, growing shorter from year to year. In our house, Mom filled the stockings, and Santa always left his gifts wrapped in red and green tissue paper to differentiate from the other gifts. And we always, ALWAYS, got Hershey’s Kisses and those sugar-crunchy, stick-to-your-teeth gummy spearmint leaf candies in our stockings.

I suppose it’s no wonder that, as an adult, I wanted to preserve that continuity – both for myself, and to create the peaceful, secure feeling that rhythms and traditions can pass on to kids. And so, for twenty-two years, our Christmases have looked very much the same. They were neither exact replicas of my Christmases growing up, nor replicas of my ex-husband’s; but a sort of amalgam of both with a few inventions of our own thrown in. But they were ours, and considering all the changes our family went through – new babies, new jobs, new towns – they remained remarkably the same.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the idea of change. How I’m a person who both embraces and pursues change – new work, new challenges, new scenery – and resists it, too, particularly when the status quo brings me some comfort, or represents something bigger that I’m not quite ready to give up yet.

In reality, though, things always change. Sure, in my imperfect memory, those growing-up Christmases were all exactly the same…until I start poking holes in my recollections. There was the year someone got sick (was it me?) and we missed Christmas Eve services. There was the year my older brother joined the Army and couldn’t come home; there was the year my older sister was…elsewhere, I guess, doing what young adults do. Certainly my mom didn’t make new ornaments every single year; I just remember the years she did and retroactively apply that memory to All The Years. And those special, cloth-napkins-and-white-tablecloth dinners may only have happened a handful of times, after all.

Even if those Christmases had been exact, cookie-cutter replicas of one another, year after year after year, it was still a finite period of time in my life, and represented just one chunk of many in my mother’s. And so will it be with me. Divorce or no divorce, kids stop believing in magic the same way they did, and sooner or later, they all grow up. The holidays as a mom-of-littles were incredibly fun and satisfying, but represent just one chunk of the holidays I’ll experience while on this earth. And I want to find magic and satisfaction in all of them.

This holiday marks my third since my ex-husband and I decided to separate, and from the outside looking in, you’d hardly be able to tell the last two Christmases from the ones that came before. But while I think it’s been comforting for us all to transition gently out of the way “things used to be,” it wouldn’t be good for any of us – least of all me – to keep doggedly trying to replicate holidays from the past. Sometimes, we hang on to things because we aren’t ready to let them go yet, but at some point, the hanging-on takes energy away from creating something new, merry and magical in its own right.

Changing doesn’t always mean having to do something new. Sometimes it just means letting go and allowing change to happen around you (it always will, if you let it). Sometimes simply choosing not to do something can leave space for a new experience to fill its place. And sometimes, it’s a matter of proactively filling your time with something new and different so the lack of the old and familiar isn’t so keenly felt.

Even if your little ones are still in the throes of little-ness, maybe there’s something you’re holding on to that no longer serves you and your family. A commitment that’s turned into more obligation than joy? A tradition that’s stressful, not that fun, or just doesn’t fit anymore? Maybe it’s a long-standing resentment or expectation that’s no longer serving you?

While you’re working your holiday Mom magic this year, I hope you keep in mind that, as the keeper of that magic, you are allowed to change things as needed. As hard as it can be to remember when every decision you make (and cookie you bake) feels so fraught with importance, this holiday is just one of many both you and your children will experience in your lives. And your children, looking back through the hazy glow of nostalgia, will remember how you made them feel more than they’ll recall where you moved the Elf today or whether you make cookies from scratch, from a box, or not at all.

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Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

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Here’s your January reminder to save shoeboxes f Here’s your January reminder to save shoeboxes for February and March classroom projects! Valentine boxes and leprechaun traps are around the corner, and shoe boxes are so much harder to come by these days. Consider this a friendly head’s up from a mom who’s been there.

Want more help and tips, plus reassurance that you’re doing a great job? (You are.) Search for The Mom Hour in your favorite podcast app and hit subscribe!

#kindergarten #firstgrade #valentinebox #leprechauntrap #shoeboxcraft #roomparent #roommom #classroomvalentines #parenting #momlife #parentingtip #tipsformoms
Looking to implement daily "quiet time" for presch Looking to implement daily "quiet time" for preschoolers? Even for kids who want to GO GO GO all day long, having a built-in pause in the day can help develop independent play skills, encourage rest, and - of course - give caregivers a chance to reset as well.

Since this week's podcast episode is all about kids and alone time, we thought we'd revisit this resource on the blog by Sandy Hsu:

👉 How To Encourage Independence In Preschoolers With A “Quiet Time” Routine. 👈 

Sandy (@hopefulsmiles) give tips for implementing a successful quiet time routine AND rounds up products and activities that help make independent play more likely - even in young preschoolers. Check it out by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

#quiettime #parentingtoddlers #parentingpreschoolers #momoflittles #stayathomemom #stayathomeparent #activitiesforpreschoolers #activitiesfortoddlers #threeyearolds #fouryearolds #fiveyearolds #momlife #sahm #sahmlife
New episode! Does solitude come naturally to your New episode!

Does solitude come naturally to your kids, or are moments of solo play far and few between? Meagan and Sarah read some research recently that challenged us to think about the importance of alone time, and whether our kids get enough. In this episode, we dive into our own childhood memories, how our children embrace (or run from) solitude, and how challenging it is to find that just-right balance. Join us! 

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
New episode! With all the day-to-day planning requ New episode! With all the day-to-day planning required to run a household, it's easy to put longterm planning on the back burner. Today Meagan and Sarah share lessons we've learned (or are still learning) that help us look ahead at a whole year, quarter, or month at a time. From knowing ourselves and our seasonal rhythms to figuring out where they keep next year's school calendar, we've picked up a few things over the years, and we're ready to dive in for 2023. Join us! 

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
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Shoutout to our NEW sponsors:
🍳 @caraway_home (10% off gorgeous, non-toxic cookware!)
💪 @futurefitapp (risk-free trial of 1-on-1 personal training!)
🔪 @prepdish (2 weeks free of healthy, prep-ahead meal plans!)
🎨 @minted (design marketplace with art, bags, gifts & more!)
📚 @chatbooks (deals on the easiest photo books ever!)
😍 @fabletics (2 stylish workout bottoms for $24!)

And welcome back . . . 
⭐️ @stitchfix ($20 off your 1st purchase!)
⭐️ @theessentialcalendar (10% off full-season calendars!)
⭐️ @hiyahealth (50% off 1st order!)
⭐️ @kiwico_inc (50% off your 1st mo!)
⭐️ @athleticgreens (1yr of Vit.D + 5 travel packs!)
⭐️ @vionicshoes (free shipping on cute, comfy shoes!)
Braces on, braces off. First phones, driver's ed, Braces on, braces off. First phones, driver's ed, high school registration. As we discussed in this week's episode, we still get all the feels when older kids meet cultural or developmental milestones - even if they cringe when we celebrate and share.

Would love to hear what you're celebrating about your older kids! Everything from learning a new skill to blossoming independence - leave us a comment! 

PS - Listen to the episode in your favorite podcast app, or by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

#parenting #parentingbigkids #parentingteens #parentingtweens #bigkidmilestone #teenagers #tweens #momoftweens #momofteens #momofteenagers
Turns out, when your last baby approaches double-d Turns out, when your last baby approaches double-digits, you find yourself staring a different milestone right in the (puffy) face:

It's been a decade since I was pregnant for the last time. 

This photo was taken the morning of my scheduled c-section, just a few hours before we'd meet our third and last babe. It's hard to remember, but I'm SURE I was ready to be done. Constant braxton-hicks, heartburn I hadn't experienced with the other two, food aversions that lasted the whole 39w5d, and physical exhaustion trying to keep up with a 2- and 4-year old: all part of an otherwise uncomplicated pregnancy, but still nobody's idea of easy.

I don't miss it - being pregnant. Grateful to have had the experience, absolutely. But I've never really pined for another go-around, at least not seriously. Still, a whole decade removed feels as significant a milestone to me as does the notion that that double-dimpled babe will blow out ten candles this weekend.

Time, like, whoa. 

-Sarah
If you're looking at school options for Fall 2023, If you're looking at school options for Fall 2023, you might be feeling overwhelmed by school tours, open houses, registration deadlines, or the all-too-common "red shirting question". That's why today we're revisiting an enormously detailed resource on our site: 

➡️ What Teachers & Educators Wish Parents Knew About Making School Decisions ⬅️

This piece is a collaboration between four educators on our team whose careers span preschool through middle school. They weigh in what what they wish parents knew about things like...

...choosing “the right school” 
...what it means to be “ready for kindergarten” 
...visiting a school for a tour or open house 
...learning to read 
...kids and friendships; playground politics
...making school decisions for a special needs student 
...becoming part of a classroom or school community 
 
Click this image at the link in our bio to get the guide. Bookmark it, send it to your co-parent or mom friends, and use it as a starting place as you wade through this tricky time of year! 

@lisaapayne4 @ashleydawn519 @thepaperdart @cafedumartin
C-e-l-e-b-r-a-t-e good times, come on! Today’s e C-e-l-e-b-r-a-t-e good times, come on! Today’s episode is number 400! We can’t think of a better way to celebrate hitting a big podcast milestone than talking about how we honor birthdays and milestone celebrations in our families – especially as kids get older. Join Meagan and Sarah as we offer insight into making birthdays special for big kids, tweens and teens; how kids getting older hits us differently as moms, too; and how honoring big kid milestones gets tricker, but still gives us all the feels. 

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
Y'all's reaction to our entire catalog now being a Y'all's reaction to our entire catalog now being available has been so fun! Listeners have told us that they're now able to re-listen to old favorites, or - amazing for us - share them directly with friends.

(If you missed it, previously, podcast apps showed only our most recent 300 episodes – less than half our catalog. The rest were only available on our website.)

Just for fun, we rounded up a few more of our team's favorite episodes from the early days of the podcast. Here are five MORE oldies that have stood the test of time, and that make for great entry-points to our early catalog.

You can listen from our website by clicking this image at the link in our bio – but EVEN BETTER, you can find the episodes in your favorite podcast app - just search by episode title, or keep on scrolling until you find them!

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