• Home
  • About
    • New? Start Here.
    • Meet The Co-Hosts
    • Meet The Contributors
  • Sponsor
  • Contact
    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Twitter

The Mom Hour

Happier motherhood starts here.

  • New? Start Here.
  • Podcast
    • Recent Episodes
    • Complete Archives
    • Search By Topic
  • Blog
  • Ages & Stages
    • Babies
    • Toddlers
    • Preschoolers
    • Big Kids
    • Tweens & Teens
  • Family Travel Hub

in Blog on December 13, 2018 by Meagan Francis

The Christmas Of Changes

This essay originally appeared in our monthly newsletter for The Mom Hour podcast. To get our emails, subscribe here. –Meagan

My oldest son Jacob just turned 21, which means that this year will mark my 22nd Christmas as a mom. I remember Jacob’s first Christmas well: though he was just a month old, I took my role as “mom at holiday time” seriously, carefully decorating our little apartment with gold bows, white lights, a 3’ hand-me-down artificial tree, and a small array of ornaments and decorations, also handed down or given to us as wedding gifts. Jacob watched contentedly from his swing as I buzzed around the apartment, doing my twenty-year-old best to make the season merry and bright.

Growing up, I always loved the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas better than any other part of the year. Most of the year my mom was busy, distracted, and often depressed; but before Christmas, things seemed to shift. She seemed energized by the season, and after the last little one was picked up from the in-home daycare she ran during the day, she’d shift enthusiastically into decorating, baking, and ornament-making, with Nat King Cole and Bing Crosby crooning in the background. We got out the “good” linens and dishes for Christmas Dinner, which felt special even as the cloth napkins, in shades of 70s rust and avocado green, grew undeniably dated. Our holidays were never over-the-top, but I remember them as some of the happiest moments of my childhood.

Looking back, I think there was another reason I was so attached to the holidays: they were predictable. My parents separated when I was five, and there was a fair amount of upheaval in the ensuing years, as my dad moved a day’s drive away and both parents remarried – and re-divorced – by the time I was 10.

But in the midst of all that change, the holidays remained more or less the same. I always spent Christmas Eve and Day at home with my mom, and usually with most of my siblings. We were always allowed to open one gift on Christmas Eve, and saved the rest for the morning. We always went to the same church for the Christmas Eve services, and the services always ended with the congregation singing “Silent Night” while passing a flame through the pews with white candles with cardboard guards to keep the wax from dripping on the holder’s hands. Even the candles were the same, growing shorter from year to year. In our house, Mom filled the stockings, and Santa always left his gifts wrapped in red and green tissue paper to differentiate from the other gifts. And we always, ALWAYS, got Hershey’s Kisses and those sugar-crunchy, stick-to-your-teeth gummy spearmint leaf candies in our stockings.

I suppose it’s no wonder that, as an adult, I wanted to preserve that continuity – both for myself, and to create the peaceful, secure feeling that rhythms and traditions can pass on to kids. And so, for twenty-two years, our Christmases have looked very much the same. They were neither exact replicas of my Christmases growing up, nor replicas of my ex-husband’s; but a sort of amalgam of both with a few inventions of our own thrown in. But they were ours, and considering all the changes our family went through – new babies, new jobs, new towns – they remained remarkably the same.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the idea of change. How I’m a person who both embraces and pursues change – new work, new challenges, new scenery – and resists it, too, particularly when the status quo brings me some comfort, or represents something bigger that I’m not quite ready to give up yet.

In reality, though, things always change. Sure, in my imperfect memory, those growing-up Christmases were all exactly the same…until I start poking holes in my recollections. There was the year someone got sick (was it me?) and we missed Christmas Eve services. There was the year my older brother joined the Army and couldn’t come home; there was the year my older sister was…elsewhere, I guess, doing what young adults do. Certainly my mom didn’t make new ornaments every single year; I just remember the years she did and retroactively apply that memory to All The Years. And those special, cloth-napkins-and-white-tablecloth dinners may only have happened a handful of times, after all.

Even if those Christmases had been exact, cookie-cutter replicas of one another, year after year after year, it was still a finite period of time in my life, and represented just one chunk of many in my mother’s. And so will it be with me. Divorce or no divorce, kids stop believing in magic the same way they did, and sooner or later, they all grow up. The holidays as a mom-of-littles were incredibly fun and satisfying, but represent just one chunk of the holidays I’ll experience while on this earth. And I want to find magic and satisfaction in all of them.

This holiday marks my third since my ex-husband and I decided to separate, and from the outside looking in, you’d hardly be able to tell the last two Christmases from the ones that came before. But while I think it’s been comforting for us all to transition gently out of the way “things used to be,” it wouldn’t be good for any of us – least of all me – to keep doggedly trying to replicate holidays from the past. Sometimes, we hang on to things because we aren’t ready to let them go yet, but at some point, the hanging-on takes energy away from creating something new, merry and magical in its own right.

Changing doesn’t always mean having to do something new. Sometimes it just means letting go and allowing change to happen around you (it always will, if you let it). Sometimes simply choosing not to do something can leave space for a new experience to fill its place. And sometimes, it’s a matter of proactively filling your time with something new and different so the lack of the old and familiar isn’t so keenly felt.

Even if your little ones are still in the throes of little-ness, maybe there’s something you’re holding on to that no longer serves you and your family. A commitment that’s turned into more obligation than joy? A tradition that’s stressful, not that fun, or just doesn’t fit anymore? Maybe it’s a long-standing resentment or expectation that’s no longer serving you?

While you’re working your holiday Mom magic this year, I hope you keep in mind that, as the keeper of that magic, you are allowed to change things as needed. As hard as it can be to remember when every decision you make (and cookie you bake) feels so fraught with importance, this holiday is just one of many both you and your children will experience in your lives. And your children, looking back through the hazy glow of nostalgia, will remember how you made them feel more than they’ll recall where you moved the Elf today or whether you make cookies from scratch, from a box, or not at all.

Related

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Christmas, holidays & celebrations

deals from our partners


Shop Jane

When you click through these links and make a purchase, we earn a small commission at no additional cost to you (and we only partner with brands we’ve used and truly love!).

« Books Talk: Our Favorite Holiday Picture Books
Listener Questions (Holiday Edition, Vol.3): 2018 Holiday Special #4 »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Search

Like Email?

Get episodes delivered to your inbox weekly, PLUS special occasional emails from us that you don’t want to miss.

[mc4wp_form id=”20453″]

Featured Sponsors

On Instagram

themomhour

Top 10 parenting podcast hosted by @meaganfrancis (MI) & @powersofmine (SoCal). 8 kids between us, little to grown. Happier motherhood starts here.

The Mom Hour
One of our most popular blog posts EVER is refresh One of our most popular blog posts EVER is refreshed for 2022! Click this image at the link in our bio to read the just-structured-enough approach Sarah took during those long AZ summers at home when her kids were 6, 4, and 1.5. 😎 

#stayathomemom #preschoolers #summermomlife #arizonasummer #summerschedulefortoddlers #summerscheduledforpreschoolers #samplesummerschedule #summerdaysathom
New episode! Most of us enjoy having a clean and New episode!

Most of us enjoy having a clean and tidy home, but have you ever kept track of how much you do throughout the week to keep it that way? In today’s episode, Meagan and Sarah share what seven days of real-life housework looks like in our homes. We reflect on the tasks we knew went into running a home, and some surprising ones we never thought of as housework before (like picking plums and chasing chickens!). Whether you prioritize deep-cleaning on a regular schedule or tend to tidy as you go and hope for the best, it’s eye-opening and gratifying to acknowledge the work that goes into managing a home full of kids.

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts #endlesscleaning #housework #cleaning #tidyingup #
Math Quiz: If 3 kids dirty an average of 15 dishes Math Quiz: If 3 kids dirty an average of 15 dishes per day while away at school 7 hours per day, how many additional dishes will they dirty while home all day for summer break?

67. The answer is 67. Yes, I’ve checked my work! Maybe someone who passed calculus can explain? 🤪 -M

#mommath #drowningindishes #summerbreakisnotreallyabreak
Happy weekend - and a big thanks to our June spons Happy weekend - and a big thanks to our June sponsors! Every month, we like to take a little time to shoutout our partners who help support the show + remind our listeners of some of the great deals our sponsors are offering. For more info, specific promo codes, and links, just search the brand name on our website, and they'll pop up in our episode show notes. We also collect ALL our active promo codes (even the old ones that are still working!) in our email newsletter - which is full of other great things we want to share with you, too. Tap on this image at the link in our bio to subscribe today. 

Meet our NEW partners this month . . .
🗣️ @connectspeech (early language support!)
💙 @appahealth (1st month of mentorship free!)
💄 @thrivecausemetics (15% off your 1st order)

And welcome back to . . .
⭐️ @paireyewear (15% off your 1st purchase!)
⭐️ @autoapprove ($100 when you refinance!)
⭐️ @outschool ($15 off your child's 1st class!)
⭐️ @mindandchild ($20 off Parenting 101 course!)
⭐️ @flowkey_com (20% off subscription piano app!)
⭐️ @stitchfix ($20 off your 1st purchase!)
⭐️ @publicgoods ($15 off, no minimum!)
⭐️ @scholasticinc (books for kids of all ages!)
⭐️ @hiyahealth (50% off 1st order!)
⭐️ @kiwico_inc (30% off your 1st mo!)
⭐️ @ritual (10% off 1st 3 mo!)
⭐️ @athleticgreens (1yr of Vit.D + 5 travel packs!)
⭐️ @vionicshoes (free shipping on cute shoes!)
⭐️ @project_wren (10 trees planted when you sign up!)
New episode! If you travel with kids, it’s just New episode!

If you travel with kids, it’s just a matter of time before a trip goes off the rails in spectacular fashion. Maybe it’s a flat tire in the middle of nowhere, or an expensive vacation spent sick in a pricey hotel room. Today Sarah is joined by @catieparrish @stacybronec @emilyeroark and @lisaapayne4 – regular contributors to the show and seasoned travelers with a combined 13 kids – who share their most memorable travel mishap stories. (Full disclaimer: there will be puke-talk.) In sharing these stories, we hope to normalize that travel with kids doesn’t have to go perfectly to be “worth it” and remind you that you’re not alone if this summer’s adventures go awry. Plus, one of the only perks to surviving stories like these is that we get to laugh about them later.

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts #travelingwoes #travelingwithkids #familytravelmishaps
New on the blog this week from @kiamhammond: Learn New on the blog this week from @kiamhammond: Learning About Juneteenth, As A Family.

"Like many families, mine is still figuring out how to teach our children about Juneteenth, as learning the history wasn't part of my education or my husband's when we were kids. The good news is, books written for children and families are a great way for the whole family to learn (and there are a lot of them!)."

Click this image at the link in our bio to read Kia’s book recommendations and more ways to start the conversation at home with your family.

#juneteenth #history #blackhistory #parenting #juneteenthbooksforkids #summerreading
New episode! As moms, we can be hard on ourselves New episode!

As moms, we can be hard on ourselves…and sometimes we just need to hear the simplest, oft-repeated pieces of advice and encouragement to remind us that it is all going to be OK. Join Meagan and Sarah for a reflection on eight pieces of wisdom that have carried us through motherhood struggles at every age and stage. We are offering them to you, to ourselves, and to all of our future selves in Episode 369.

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts #momtruisms #momtruths #parentingadvice #motherhoodstruggles
Just a “hello” from last-week-me, who spent 30 Just a “hello” from last-week-me, who spent 30 minutes moving 25 chickens by hand from their home to the new chicken yard, because they refused to go on their own. And then an hour moving them back, because same.

It reminded me a lot of mothering a toddler, and got me wondering: what’s the most ridiculous thing mom life has brought you in the past week? -M
New episode! Have you ever fantasized about atten New episode!

Have you ever fantasized about attending a camp-like environment for grown-ups? Much about the classic summer camp experience is appealing to us (though not EVERYTHING--we could certainly do without the bugs), and the idea of simply showing up for a perfectly curated experience without any responsibility, or planning, sounds AMAZING. Listen to this fun More Than Mom to hear all of our must-have activities (like food and wine tastings, yoga, personal style consults and more!), things that would be a hard no (like swimming in the gross, murky lake or participating in corny, guided crafts) and our daydreams about creating a Mom Hour Retreat (maybe someday?)!

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts #summercamps #womenretreats #momretreat
New on the blog this week from @jaymesherrod: LGBT New on the blog this week from @jaymesherrod: LGBTQ+ Resources For Parents (And Anyone Who Wants To Learn!). 

"The fact is, none of us will get it right every time. Not with each other, and certainly not with our kids. But it’s important that we keep showing up and having the conversations anyway."

Click this image at the link in our bio to access Jayme's roundup of resources.
Not gonna lie, we're wearing kid-appointment-drivi Not gonna lie, we're wearing kid-appointment-driving and backyard-chicken-wrangling clothes today and just sorta WISHING for a little business-casual-boss-lady time together.

You're doing great, whatever you're wearing today. Sending love. - Sarah & Meagan

📸: @leo_and_laine
New episode! Among parents, technology and screen New episode!

Among parents, technology and screen time can be a loaded topic. How much is too much? Is that movie too mature? And what's the best age for a first phone? In today’s episode, Meagan and Sarah share the role technology played in our families when kids were little, and reflect on how things changed as they grew. We discuss the tech parenting choices we still stand behind today, and with hindsight, what we could have done differently.

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts #kidsandtechnology #screentime #techparenting ##technology #momconfidence #
Load More... Follow on Instagram

As Seen On

Today Parents

Send us an email

Can’t find what you’re looking for? Email hello@themomhour.com and we’re here to help!

Play Our Latest Episode!

https://media.blubrry.com/themomhour/pdst.fm/e/content.blubrry.com/themomhour/MHepisode370.mp3

looking for something?

One of our most popular blog posts EVER is refresh One of our most popular blog posts EVER is refreshed for 2022! Click this image at the link in our bio to read the just-structured-enough approach Sarah took during those long AZ summers at home when her kids were 6, 4, and 1.5. 😎 

#stayathomemom #preschoolers #summermomlife #arizonasummer #summerschedulefortoddlers #summerscheduledforpreschoolers #samplesummerschedule #summerdaysathom
New episode! Most of us enjoy having a clean and New episode!

Most of us enjoy having a clean and tidy home, but have you ever kept track of how much you do throughout the week to keep it that way? In today’s episode, Meagan and Sarah share what seven days of real-life housework looks like in our homes. We reflect on the tasks we knew went into running a home, and some surprising ones we never thought of as housework before (like picking plums and chasing chickens!). Whether you prioritize deep-cleaning on a regular schedule or tend to tidy as you go and hope for the best, it’s eye-opening and gratifying to acknowledge the work that goes into managing a home full of kids.

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts #endlesscleaning #housework #cleaning #tidyingup #
Math Quiz: If 3 kids dirty an average of 15 dishes Math Quiz: If 3 kids dirty an average of 15 dishes per day while away at school 7 hours per day, how many additional dishes will they dirty while home all day for summer break?

67. The answer is 67. Yes, I’ve checked my work! Maybe someone who passed calculus can explain? 🤪 -M

#mommath #drowningindishes #summerbreakisnotreallyabreak
Happy weekend - and a big thanks to our June spons Happy weekend - and a big thanks to our June sponsors! Every month, we like to take a little time to shoutout our partners who help support the show + remind our listeners of some of the great deals our sponsors are offering. For more info, specific promo codes, and links, just search the brand name on our website, and they'll pop up in our episode show notes. We also collect ALL our active promo codes (even the old ones that are still working!) in our email newsletter - which is full of other great things we want to share with you, too. Tap on this image at the link in our bio to subscribe today. 

Meet our NEW partners this month . . .
🗣️ @connectspeech (early language support!)
💙 @appahealth (1st month of mentorship free!)
💄 @thrivecausemetics (15% off your 1st order)

And welcome back to . . .
⭐️ @paireyewear (15% off your 1st purchase!)
⭐️ @autoapprove ($100 when you refinance!)
⭐️ @outschool ($15 off your child's 1st class!)
⭐️ @mindandchild ($20 off Parenting 101 course!)
⭐️ @flowkey_com (20% off subscription piano app!)
⭐️ @stitchfix ($20 off your 1st purchase!)
⭐️ @publicgoods ($15 off, no minimum!)
⭐️ @scholasticinc (books for kids of all ages!)
⭐️ @hiyahealth (50% off 1st order!)
⭐️ @kiwico_inc (30% off your 1st mo!)
⭐️ @ritual (10% off 1st 3 mo!)
⭐️ @athleticgreens (1yr of Vit.D + 5 travel packs!)
⭐️ @vionicshoes (free shipping on cute shoes!)
⭐️ @project_wren (10 trees planted when you sign up!)
New episode! If you travel with kids, it’s just New episode!

If you travel with kids, it’s just a matter of time before a trip goes off the rails in spectacular fashion. Maybe it’s a flat tire in the middle of nowhere, or an expensive vacation spent sick in a pricey hotel room. Today Sarah is joined by @catieparrish @stacybronec @emilyeroark and @lisaapayne4 – regular contributors to the show and seasoned travelers with a combined 13 kids – who share their most memorable travel mishap stories. (Full disclaimer: there will be puke-talk.) In sharing these stories, we hope to normalize that travel with kids doesn’t have to go perfectly to be “worth it” and remind you that you’re not alone if this summer’s adventures go awry. Plus, one of the only perks to surviving stories like these is that we get to laugh about them later.

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts #travelingwoes #travelingwithkids #familytravelmishaps
New on the blog this week from @kiamhammond: Learn New on the blog this week from @kiamhammond: Learning About Juneteenth, As A Family.

"Like many families, mine is still figuring out how to teach our children about Juneteenth, as learning the history wasn't part of my education or my husband's when we were kids. The good news is, books written for children and families are a great way for the whole family to learn (and there are a lot of them!)."

Click this image at the link in our bio to read Kia’s book recommendations and more ways to start the conversation at home with your family.

#juneteenth #history #blackhistory #parenting #juneteenthbooksforkids #summerreading
New episode! As moms, we can be hard on ourselves New episode!

As moms, we can be hard on ourselves…and sometimes we just need to hear the simplest, oft-repeated pieces of advice and encouragement to remind us that it is all going to be OK. Join Meagan and Sarah for a reflection on eight pieces of wisdom that have carried us through motherhood struggles at every age and stage. We are offering them to you, to ourselves, and to all of our future selves in Episode 369.

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts #momtruisms #momtruths #parentingadvice #motherhoodstruggles
Just a “hello” from last-week-me, who spent 30 Just a “hello” from last-week-me, who spent 30 minutes moving 25 chickens by hand from their home to the new chicken yard, because they refused to go on their own. And then an hour moving them back, because same.

It reminded me a lot of mothering a toddler, and got me wondering: what’s the most ridiculous thing mom life has brought you in the past week? -M
New episode! Have you ever fantasized about atten New episode!

Have you ever fantasized about attending a camp-like environment for grown-ups? Much about the classic summer camp experience is appealing to us (though not EVERYTHING--we could certainly do without the bugs), and the idea of simply showing up for a perfectly curated experience without any responsibility, or planning, sounds AMAZING. Listen to this fun More Than Mom to hear all of our must-have activities (like food and wine tastings, yoga, personal style consults and more!), things that would be a hard no (like swimming in the gross, murky lake or participating in corny, guided crafts) and our daydreams about creating a Mom Hour Retreat (maybe someday?)!

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts #summercamps #womenretreats #momretreat
New on the blog this week from @jaymesherrod: LGBT New on the blog this week from @jaymesherrod: LGBTQ+ Resources For Parents (And Anyone Who Wants To Learn!). 

"The fact is, none of us will get it right every time. Not with each other, and certainly not with our kids. But it’s important that we keep showing up and having the conversations anyway."

Click this image at the link in our bio to access Jayme's roundup of resources.

Copyright © 2022 · Life, Listened
Development by Cipher