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in Blog on April 8, 2020 by Meagan Francis

Finding Pleasure, Joy, And Even Hope

This essay originally appeared in our monthly newsletter for The Mom Hour podcast. To get our emails, subscribe here. –Meagan

How are you doing? No, how are you REALLY doing?

Do you even know? Does it change from day to day, minute to minute?

I know that for myself, moods seem to turn on a dime these days. I wake up and the sun is shining through my bedroom windows, and I feel a burst of energy. Check the news, and feel anxiety amid climbing numbers and grim projections. Discuss a fun idea with Sarah and feel a momentary burst of energy and focus. Work for a while, find my mind wandering and my attention span fractured, get frustrated. Make a big, late brunch for the kids and feel a sense of warmth and gratitude about the fact that we’re all able to spend time together at noon on a random Monday morning. Look at my social media feeds, see people arguing or sharing bad news, and spiral down into anxiety again. Take a walk, pump some music into my earbuds, momentarily forget what’s happening in the world – ahhh. Get home, realize I’m lower on a few items than I expected to be at this point, and start doing the mental calculations around whether I might need to go the store again soon, and if so, which store would be safest, and whether half and half in my tea or cheese on our tacos are really essential. More mental gymnastics: maybe we should hit the powdered milk and endless pasta stash in the pantry instead. Or maybe we should hold on to that because we don’t know how long this is going to last, and it might be harder to get to the store in the future. More anxiety.

And I’ve gone through all these shifts before 4 PM.

That’s one of the things that is the most jarring to me about what we’re living through right now. Sure, in “regular” life, I have bad days sometimes. But now, every day is a potential roller coaster – there’s no longer such a thing as a “bad day” or a “good day”; now moods seem to change minute-by-minute based on whatever thought I focus on, or whatever piece of data or input makes its way in front of me.

It’s a lot, and I know you’re all right there with me. So I thought I’d share some things I’m trying to do to combat feelings of anxiety and stress spirals. It may be unrealistic to expect us to turn this roller-coaster of emotions into something resembling real life, but I’m already finding that there are definitely ways I can make this “new normal” feel…well, more normal.

Here’s what I’m putting into action right now:

I’m trying to control what I can and let the rest go. Right now it’s easy to feel we’re required to become instant experts in everything from educating our kids to interpreting epidemiological data. I know sometimes, learning and implementing can seem to give us a sense of control. But when I try to control things I can’t, it tends to go south.

For example, there is no such thing as perfect social distancing. Our lives are set up to be dependent on interactions with other people; it’s what makes us human beings living in community. We’ve learned quickly that many of those interactions can be suspended, limited, or done virtually…but not all can. It means we will all need to take some calculated risks; that the risk you deem necessary may look different from a neighbor’s or someone weighing in on social media, and that (just like with everything else) there is ultimately no one way to do this completely “right.”

Maybe by accepting that risk cannot ever be completely eliminated, we can tamp down some of the worry and guilt we feel about the decisions we have to make.

By the way: along these same lines, there is no way to do perfect at-home-schooling, perfect sudden work-at-home-with-kids-around-all-the-time, or perfect virtual-relationship-management either. I like to believe that everyone is doing their best with the information, time, ability and resources they have available to them, and that’s all I can expect of myself too.

I’m trying to recognize my triggers and avoid them. And that requires paying some attention to discover what they are.

Sarah and I were chatting about our stressors last week and discovered that we are triggered by very different things. For Sarah, whose personality is oriented toward gathering information and trying to make sense of it, consuming too many scary headlines is a sure way to start a spiral. I don’t love scary headlines, but find it pretty easy to distance myself emotionally from more general data. On the other hand, as a more relationship-oriented person, watching people argue and criticize each other on social media has a much bigger impact: I start wondering if I’m doing something criticism-worthy, I get uncomfortable with people turning on each other, and it can lead to a feeling akin to panic. Much like I’m able to keep scary data from looming too large in my mind, Sarah doesn’t struggle with perceived judgment or criticism the same way and is able to let it roll off her back.

Having this conversation was a huge ah-ha moment for me: it’s okay for me to be relatively unaffected by some things, and to be very affected by others. It’s also okay for me to protect myself by avoiding the things that trigger me. Nobody NEEDS me on Facebook right now, after all. Whereas, Sarah is dealing with enough in her home right now, as are we all, without being a bad citizen if she takes a “need to know only” approach to consuming news.

These are just two types of triggers; there are plenty more in the grab bag for us all to choose from. But I’m finding it’s worth taking careful stock of how I feel after specific activities – reading the news, chatting with friends and family, getting online, and so on – noticing patterns, and limiting or eliminating the things that cause the most stress. Remember, it’s not selfish to take steps to reduce your stress – it’s what will help you create a calmer home and keep your body’s cortisol levels under control.

I’m trying to double down on the things that give me pleasure or help me feel a sense of normalcy. That means anchoring my days to activities that give me some semblance of control over my life and make me feel good.

Right now, my “big rocks” are getting outside and hanging out in my kitchen. On the days I have my kids, I’m in the kitchen almost all day. Making a big breakfast, then cleaning up, then starting dinner; baking, puttering…something about being able to accomplish small tasks over and over feels both simple and satisfying. On days when I don’t have my kids here, I get outside and walk…sometimes for hours. Seeing the birds, the lake, the trees all looking the same as always gives me a sense of normalcy; waving at neighbors from a distance a sense of community. Even if all I get done in a typical day is making a meal and getting outside, I’ve accomplished something that feels good, and right now that counts for a lot.

I’m trying to give myself All Of The Breaks. When this first started, the achievement-oriented side of my brain said “Now is the time to seize the day!” Three weeks later, the reality-oriented side of my brain says, “Now is the time to accept that this is all very strange, and that expecting myself to excel at everything right now is kind of unfair.”

Instead, I’m trying to look at the benefits of giving myself a break. My work may not be at its highest level of excellence right now; but maybe I can be honest with my partners and colleagues and all of you about that in a totally new way. I’m not exactly killing it in the “school at home mom” department, but maybe that is creating fewer expectations and demands of my kids right during a stressful time, and allows me to be present in a different way. Maybe they’ll even look back later on the months Mom made pancakes in her pajamas every day with a kind of nostalgia.

Silver linings can be a double-edged sword. We need gratitude and hope in our lives; we also deserve to feel our feelings, whatever they are, and admit that this is really hard.

I will say this: for the past hour I’ve spent writing this post, I’ve stayed focused and positive and kept anxiety at bay. Whether or not it’s helped you to read it, it helped me to write it – so thank you for being part of a pleasant morning in my pandemic life.

Now, I’m off to make pancakes in my pajamas, and I hope you will also find something that gives you pleasure, joy, and hope today.

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Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: hard stuff

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New episode! Big black trash bag energy is in ful New episode!

Big black trash bag energy is in full effect over here! In this episode Sarah is joined by contributor @cafedumartin for a conversation about how, why and what we are getting rid of this January. We talk strategic home resets, major junk-hauling, and tips for ongoing clutter maintenance. And while on the surface this episode is about physical stuff, we also acknowledge the emotional complexity that surrounds getting rid of stuff.

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
This recent picture of Eric and I adventuring in t This recent picture of Eric and I adventuring in the snow, well into our third year of dating, captures so much. 

But there's a lot it doesn't tell you, too. 

It doesn't tell you about the heartbreaking experience of watching my former marriage dissolve.

It doesn't tell you about the confusion and loneliness in the aftermath of my divorce six+ years ago.

It doesn't tell you about the time that, while driving home in the dark on a snowy evening, I reflected on the fact that nobody was expecting me to check in with them that night - that if I skidded into a ditch nobody would think to look for me for days.

It doesn't tell you about the twenty-five - yes, TWENTY-FIVE - first dates I went on prior to meeting Eric (the vast majority of those never turned into a second date.)

It doesn't tell you about the disappointments and doubts and tears leading up to finding my person.

And...

It also doesn't tell you about how much I (grudgingly) grew during that period of singleness. 

The strength and resourcefulness I discovered through having the space to run a household on my own and determine my own path in life. 

The peacefulness of a home run under my own steam, its rhythms based on my own values and priorities. 

The joy (and necessity) of getting back in touch with myself.

If you’re single and looking, I really do hope you find your person soon. I am so grateful for having found mine, and I know how hard it is to hear "your time will come, too" when you see no evidence of that on the horizon. (Especially going into February, right?)

But while you're waiting, there's another person (you) who deserves your attention...

and hard as it may be to see when you’re in the thick of doubt and disappointment…

that person is enough.
Looking for unique classroom valentines *and* a gr Looking for unique classroom valentines *and* a great deal? We love everything about @minted, from the high-quality paper and printing, to the ability to buy unique designs, freshly sourced from a community of independent artists. And right now, Minted has great deals on all things Valentine's Day!

(Pssst: they even have a Disney collection!)

Click this image at the link in our bio to get:
🎒 20% off Valentine photo cards, & classroom Valentines
🎁 20% off photo & stationery gifts on orders $250+
💕 15% off ALL orders with code BEMINE23.
🗓️ Sale ends Monday 1/30!

The Mom Hour is part of Minted's affiliate program, which means if you shop our links we'll earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you!
Here’s your January reminder to save shoeboxes f Here’s your January reminder to save shoeboxes for February and March classroom projects! Valentine boxes and leprechaun traps are around the corner, and shoe boxes are so much harder to come by these days. Consider this a friendly head’s up from a mom who’s been there.

Want more help and tips, plus reassurance that you’re doing a great job? (You are.) Search for The Mom Hour in your favorite podcast app and hit subscribe!

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Looking to implement daily "quiet time" for presch Looking to implement daily "quiet time" for preschoolers? Even for kids who want to GO GO GO all day long, having a built-in pause in the day can help develop independent play skills, encourage rest, and - of course - give caregivers a chance to reset as well.

Since this week's podcast episode is all about kids and alone time, we thought we'd revisit this resource on the blog by Sandy Hsu:

👉 How To Encourage Independence In Preschoolers With A “Quiet Time” Routine. 👈 

Sandy (@hopefulsmiles) give tips for implementing a successful quiet time routine AND rounds up products and activities that help make independent play more likely - even in young preschoolers. Check it out by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

#quiettime #parentingtoddlers #parentingpreschoolers #momoflittles #stayathomemom #stayathomeparent #activitiesforpreschoolers #activitiesfortoddlers #threeyearolds #fouryearolds #fiveyearolds #momlife #sahm #sahmlife
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Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
New episode! With all the day-to-day planning requ New episode! With all the day-to-day planning required to run a household, it's easy to put longterm planning on the back burner. Today Meagan and Sarah share lessons we've learned (or are still learning) that help us look ahead at a whole year, quarter, or month at a time. From knowing ourselves and our seasonal rhythms to figuring out where they keep next year's school calendar, we've picked up a few things over the years, and we're ready to dive in for 2023. Join us! 

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal y Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal you heard on our podcast? You're in luck because here's our sponsor roundup for January. Once a month, we use this space to thank our partners and remind you of their special offers. For our special promo codes and links, just tap our saved "Sponsors" highlight or search the brand name on our website. And when you do check out our sponsors + use our links and codes, it helps support our show! We also collect ALL our active promo codes in our email newsletter - which is full of our latest episodes and blog posts, personal updates, community news, and more. Tap on this image at the link in our bio to subscribe today.

Shoutout to our NEW sponsors:
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💪 @futurefitapp (risk-free trial of 1-on-1 personal training!)
🔪 @prepdish (2 weeks free of healthy, prep-ahead meal plans!)
🎨 @minted (design marketplace with art, bags, gifts & more!)
📚 @chatbooks (deals on the easiest photo books ever!)
😍 @fabletics (2 stylish workout bottoms for $24!)

And welcome back . . . 
⭐️ @stitchfix ($20 off your 1st purchase!)
⭐️ @theessentialcalendar (10% off full-season calendars!)
⭐️ @hiyahealth (50% off 1st order!)
⭐️ @kiwico_inc (50% off your 1st mo!)
⭐️ @athleticgreens (1yr of Vit.D + 5 travel packs!)
⭐️ @vionicshoes (free shipping on cute, comfy shoes!)
Braces on, braces off. First phones, driver's ed, Braces on, braces off. First phones, driver's ed, high school registration. As we discussed in this week's episode, we still get all the feels when older kids meet cultural or developmental milestones - even if they cringe when we celebrate and share.

Would love to hear what you're celebrating about your older kids! Everything from learning a new skill to blossoming independence - leave us a comment! 

PS - Listen to the episode in your favorite podcast app, or by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

#parenting #parentingbigkids #parentingteens #parentingtweens #bigkidmilestone #teenagers #tweens #momoftweens #momofteens #momofteenagers
Turns out, when your last baby approaches double-d Turns out, when your last baby approaches double-digits, you find yourself staring a different milestone right in the (puffy) face:

It's been a decade since I was pregnant for the last time. 

This photo was taken the morning of my scheduled c-section, just a few hours before we'd meet our third and last babe. It's hard to remember, but I'm SURE I was ready to be done. Constant braxton-hicks, heartburn I hadn't experienced with the other two, food aversions that lasted the whole 39w5d, and physical exhaustion trying to keep up with a 2- and 4-year old: all part of an otherwise uncomplicated pregnancy, but still nobody's idea of easy.

I don't miss it - being pregnant. Grateful to have had the experience, absolutely. But I've never really pined for another go-around, at least not seriously. Still, a whole decade removed feels as significant a milestone to me as does the notion that that double-dimpled babe will blow out ten candles this weekend.

Time, like, whoa. 

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This piece is a collaboration between four educators on our team whose careers span preschool through middle school. They weigh in what what they wish parents knew about things like...

...choosing “the right school” 
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...learning to read 
...kids and friendships; playground politics
...making school decisions for a special needs student 
...becoming part of a classroom or school community 
 
Click this image at the link in our bio to get the guide. Bookmark it, send it to your co-parent or mom friends, and use it as a starting place as you wade through this tricky time of year! 

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Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

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New episode! Big black trash bag energy is in ful New episode!

Big black trash bag energy is in full effect over here! In this episode Sarah is joined by contributor @cafedumartin for a conversation about how, why and what we are getting rid of this January. We talk strategic home resets, major junk-hauling, and tips for ongoing clutter maintenance. And while on the surface this episode is about physical stuff, we also acknowledge the emotional complexity that surrounds getting rid of stuff.

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
This recent picture of Eric and I adventuring in t This recent picture of Eric and I adventuring in the snow, well into our third year of dating, captures so much. 

But there's a lot it doesn't tell you, too. 

It doesn't tell you about the heartbreaking experience of watching my former marriage dissolve.

It doesn't tell you about the confusion and loneliness in the aftermath of my divorce six+ years ago.

It doesn't tell you about the time that, while driving home in the dark on a snowy evening, I reflected on the fact that nobody was expecting me to check in with them that night - that if I skidded into a ditch nobody would think to look for me for days.

It doesn't tell you about the twenty-five - yes, TWENTY-FIVE - first dates I went on prior to meeting Eric (the vast majority of those never turned into a second date.)

It doesn't tell you about the disappointments and doubts and tears leading up to finding my person.

And...

It also doesn't tell you about how much I (grudgingly) grew during that period of singleness. 

The strength and resourcefulness I discovered through having the space to run a household on my own and determine my own path in life. 

The peacefulness of a home run under my own steam, its rhythms based on my own values and priorities. 

The joy (and necessity) of getting back in touch with myself.

If you’re single and looking, I really do hope you find your person soon. I am so grateful for having found mine, and I know how hard it is to hear "your time will come, too" when you see no evidence of that on the horizon. (Especially going into February, right?)

But while you're waiting, there's another person (you) who deserves your attention...

and hard as it may be to see when you’re in the thick of doubt and disappointment…

that person is enough.
Looking for unique classroom valentines *and* a gr Looking for unique classroom valentines *and* a great deal? We love everything about @minted, from the high-quality paper and printing, to the ability to buy unique designs, freshly sourced from a community of independent artists. And right now, Minted has great deals on all things Valentine's Day!

(Pssst: they even have a Disney collection!)

Click this image at the link in our bio to get:
🎒 20% off Valentine photo cards, & classroom Valentines
🎁 20% off photo & stationery gifts on orders $250+
💕 15% off ALL orders with code BEMINE23.
🗓️ Sale ends Monday 1/30!

The Mom Hour is part of Minted's affiliate program, which means if you shop our links we'll earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you!
Here’s your January reminder to save shoeboxes f Here’s your January reminder to save shoeboxes for February and March classroom projects! Valentine boxes and leprechaun traps are around the corner, and shoe boxes are so much harder to come by these days. Consider this a friendly head’s up from a mom who’s been there.

Want more help and tips, plus reassurance that you’re doing a great job? (You are.) Search for The Mom Hour in your favorite podcast app and hit subscribe!

#kindergarten #firstgrade #valentinebox #leprechauntrap #shoeboxcraft #roomparent #roommom #classroomvalentines #parenting #momlife #parentingtip #tipsformoms
Looking to implement daily "quiet time" for presch Looking to implement daily "quiet time" for preschoolers? Even for kids who want to GO GO GO all day long, having a built-in pause in the day can help develop independent play skills, encourage rest, and - of course - give caregivers a chance to reset as well.

Since this week's podcast episode is all about kids and alone time, we thought we'd revisit this resource on the blog by Sandy Hsu:

👉 How To Encourage Independence In Preschoolers With A “Quiet Time” Routine. 👈 

Sandy (@hopefulsmiles) give tips for implementing a successful quiet time routine AND rounds up products and activities that help make independent play more likely - even in young preschoolers. Check it out by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

#quiettime #parentingtoddlers #parentingpreschoolers #momoflittles #stayathomemom #stayathomeparent #activitiesforpreschoolers #activitiesfortoddlers #threeyearolds #fouryearolds #fiveyearolds #momlife #sahm #sahmlife
New episode! Does solitude come naturally to your New episode!

Does solitude come naturally to your kids, or are moments of solo play far and few between? Meagan and Sarah read some research recently that challenged us to think about the importance of alone time, and whether our kids get enough. In this episode, we dive into our own childhood memories, how our children embrace (or run from) solitude, and how challenging it is to find that just-right balance. Join us! 

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
New episode! With all the day-to-day planning requ New episode! With all the day-to-day planning required to run a household, it's easy to put longterm planning on the back burner. Today Meagan and Sarah share lessons we've learned (or are still learning) that help us look ahead at a whole year, quarter, or month at a time. From knowing ourselves and our seasonal rhythms to figuring out where they keep next year's school calendar, we've picked up a few things over the years, and we're ready to dive in for 2023. Join us! 

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal y Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal you heard on our podcast? You're in luck because here's our sponsor roundup for January. Once a month, we use this space to thank our partners and remind you of their special offers. For our special promo codes and links, just tap our saved "Sponsors" highlight or search the brand name on our website. And when you do check out our sponsors + use our links and codes, it helps support our show! We also collect ALL our active promo codes in our email newsletter - which is full of our latest episodes and blog posts, personal updates, community news, and more. Tap on this image at the link in our bio to subscribe today.

Shoutout to our NEW sponsors:
🍳 @caraway_home (10% off gorgeous, non-toxic cookware!)
💪 @futurefitapp (risk-free trial of 1-on-1 personal training!)
🔪 @prepdish (2 weeks free of healthy, prep-ahead meal plans!)
🎨 @minted (design marketplace with art, bags, gifts & more!)
📚 @chatbooks (deals on the easiest photo books ever!)
😍 @fabletics (2 stylish workout bottoms for $24!)

And welcome back . . . 
⭐️ @stitchfix ($20 off your 1st purchase!)
⭐️ @theessentialcalendar (10% off full-season calendars!)
⭐️ @hiyahealth (50% off 1st order!)
⭐️ @kiwico_inc (50% off your 1st mo!)
⭐️ @athleticgreens (1yr of Vit.D + 5 travel packs!)
⭐️ @vionicshoes (free shipping on cute, comfy shoes!)
Braces on, braces off. First phones, driver's ed, Braces on, braces off. First phones, driver's ed, high school registration. As we discussed in this week's episode, we still get all the feels when older kids meet cultural or developmental milestones - even if they cringe when we celebrate and share.

Would love to hear what you're celebrating about your older kids! Everything from learning a new skill to blossoming independence - leave us a comment! 

PS - Listen to the episode in your favorite podcast app, or by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

#parenting #parentingbigkids #parentingteens #parentingtweens #bigkidmilestone #teenagers #tweens #momoftweens #momofteens #momofteenagers
Turns out, when your last baby approaches double-d Turns out, when your last baby approaches double-digits, you find yourself staring a different milestone right in the (puffy) face:

It's been a decade since I was pregnant for the last time. 

This photo was taken the morning of my scheduled c-section, just a few hours before we'd meet our third and last babe. It's hard to remember, but I'm SURE I was ready to be done. Constant braxton-hicks, heartburn I hadn't experienced with the other two, food aversions that lasted the whole 39w5d, and physical exhaustion trying to keep up with a 2- and 4-year old: all part of an otherwise uncomplicated pregnancy, but still nobody's idea of easy.

I don't miss it - being pregnant. Grateful to have had the experience, absolutely. But I've never really pined for another go-around, at least not seriously. Still, a whole decade removed feels as significant a milestone to me as does the notion that that double-dimpled babe will blow out ten candles this weekend.

Time, like, whoa. 

-Sarah

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