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in Blog on December 3, 2020 by Meagan Francis

Meagan’s Holiday Help, Day 3: Offer what you have (a.k.a. the fireplace is not the point.)

All month long, I’ll be sharing daily pick-me-ups, tips, and doses of inspiration to help us all find perspective during the month of December. We invite you to check back daily for these mini pep-talks as we prepare for a very unusual holiday season. –Meagan

I grew up in an old house with an amazing fireplace. I remember well the year “1886” stamped into the cast iron, the glossy green inlay, and the ornate mantle. Growing up, I spent hours curled up in front of that fireplace with a book on chilly northern Michigan nights, but never was it more magical than on Christmas morning, when bulging stockings hung above a crackling fire, accented by greenery and candles on the mantle.

Of course, I’ve spent the rest of my life trying to re-create that particular detail of holiday magic. Sadly for my mantel-loving heart, however, fireplaces have been elusive for the majority of my mom life.

The apartment we spent Jacob’s first Christmas in had a very nice fireplace, over which I hung his baby stocking with extra-special care. But after that, fireplaces were scarce. We have lived in a variety of older Midwestern homes – Victorians and Craftsmans and bungalows that practically scream for a fireplace – but house after house just didn’t have one.

Of course, I employed my motherly ingenuity to find alternatives for stocking displays: lined up on a shelf, standing in rows on the sofa, or for a couple post-divorce years, when we lived in a truly tiny space, crammed onto a narrow bookshelf. It worked, and the kids didn’t seem to mind.

But I’ll be honest with you: during the holidays, I mourned that missing mantel to a disproportionate degree. And when Isaac, about six at the time, asked “How can Santa get in without a fireplace?” I felt, for just a moment, as though I’d failed as a mother. Was it even Christmas without a fireplace?

(Isaac, on the other hand, accepted my stammered, I-didn’t-think-of-THAT “Uhhh…I guess he’ll come in the back door?” at face value, and happily skipped away.)

Perhaps you’re shaking your head and laughing at my silliness, but let’s be honest: don’t we all have something like that? Some unmet standard we hang our holiday-mom hats upon, some memory from our childhoods – or photo from Instagram – we try in vain to re-create, worrying that if the picture looks different from the one in our heads, we’re letting our families down.

But when I look back now over year-by-year photos of our holidays, I get warm fuzzies looking at my family’s stockings…lack of a crackling fire below notwithstanding. I remember the excitement as the kids’ eyes lit upon those full stockings, always the first thing within sight; the squeals as we all dove in and found the surprises held within, the smell of the Hershey’s Kisses – even the feel of the balled-up wrappers from last year, buried deep in each stocking’s toe.

Such a simple thing, a stocking stuffed with treats. But also the most consistent surprise I’ve been able to offer my kids, over 24 Christmases: some easy and abundant, some stressful and sparse. Who cares where the stockings were hung (or propped)? What mattered is they were there, filled with love. (And treats. Which, let’s face it, is 90% of what the kids care about, right?)

This year, we once again – 24 years after my first Christmas as a mom – live in a home with a great fireplace. I admit it gave me some long-awaited satisfaction to hang stockings the other night, neatly in a spacious row on the mantel, rather than crammed into whatever spot I could find. But looking back at photos from our other homes now, I realize the magic was there all along – no matter what the space looked like, or how tight our budget was.

I only wish I’d seen that sooner.

For many of us, this holiday will be unlike any we’ve ever experienced. Maybe you’re facing financial struggles, worrying about your loved ones, heading daily into a stressful work environment, or just dealing with the sheer exhaustion of having been stuck at home with small children for months on end.

Maybe you had to put off a move into a bigger space. Maybe you downsized to make things work. Maybe the dream you had of a renovation isn’t happening. Maybe your budget is so small you aren’t sure how you’ll pull off Christmas at all. All of that is hard, and disappointing.

But none of it is a deal-breaker. Find the beauty in what’s there, because I promise, even if what you have to offer this year is a pile of second-hand gifts, stuff from the dollar store, or simply a stocking stuffed with the best you can do, your kids will take their cues from you.

The fireplace isn’t the point. Nor is the quality of the photo op or the size of the gift pile. No matter where you’re starting from this year, you have something incredibly magical to offer your family. Offer what you have, and rest assured that even if you can’t right now, one day you’ll know without doubt that it was enough.

REFLECTION: Are there any holiday standards or childhood memories you unfairly hold yourself to or compare yourself against? When your children are grown and you look back over holiday photos, what patterns will you see, and how will you feel about the experiences you offered?

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Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Holiday Help 2020

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« Meagan’s Holiday Help, Day 2: Don’t try too hard.
Meagan’s Holiday Help, Day 4: A super-simple idea for saving holiday cards. »

Comments

  1. Kim says

    December 3, 2020 at 7:28 am

    Loving these daily essays! All of your stocking displays are beautiful!

    Reply
  2. Claire says

    December 4, 2020 at 11:33 am

    I agree, these blogposts are awesome! It reminds me of when your blog was more active; yours was always one of my favorites.

    As a mom, the holiday (not just Christmas, but any holiday) standard that always makes me feel like I don’t measure up is the feeling that Christmas and the other holiday should involve lots of children. Unfortunately, my son is an only child, which means that most of the time he doesn’t have other kids to celebrate holidays with. Christmas is usually the exception, because we spend it with his cousins, but we won’t be doing that this year due to the pandemic. So he has gone a whole calendar year without having any kids to spend any holidays with. The flip side of this is that he’s a child who finds holidays to be so magical, even though we never really did the Santa thing. He even gets excited about holidays like Thanksgiving that don’t involve gifts. He loves all the traditions and rituals. So I think I feel more cheated about the lack of kids than he does.

    Reply

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It doesn't tell you about the confusion and loneliness in the aftermath of my divorce six+ years ago.

It doesn't tell you about the time that, while driving home in the dark on a snowy evening, I reflected on the fact that nobody was expecting me to check in with them that night - that if I skidded into a ditch nobody would think to look for me for days.

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(Pssst: they even have a Disney collection!)

Click this image at the link in our bio to get:
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New episode! Big black trash bag energy is in ful New episode!

Big black trash bag energy is in full effect over here! In this episode Sarah is joined by contributor @cafedumartin for a conversation about how, why and what we are getting rid of this January. We talk strategic home resets, major junk-hauling, and tips for ongoing clutter maintenance. And while on the surface this episode is about physical stuff, we also acknowledge the emotional complexity that surrounds getting rid of stuff.

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
This recent picture of Eric and I adventuring in t This recent picture of Eric and I adventuring in the snow, well into our third year of dating, captures so much. 

But there's a lot it doesn't tell you, too. 

It doesn't tell you about the heartbreaking experience of watching my former marriage dissolve.

It doesn't tell you about the confusion and loneliness in the aftermath of my divorce six+ years ago.

It doesn't tell you about the time that, while driving home in the dark on a snowy evening, I reflected on the fact that nobody was expecting me to check in with them that night - that if I skidded into a ditch nobody would think to look for me for days.

It doesn't tell you about the twenty-five - yes, TWENTY-FIVE - first dates I went on prior to meeting Eric (the vast majority of those never turned into a second date.)

It doesn't tell you about the disappointments and doubts and tears leading up to finding my person.

And...

It also doesn't tell you about how much I (grudgingly) grew during that period of singleness. 

The strength and resourcefulness I discovered through having the space to run a household on my own and determine my own path in life. 

The peacefulness of a home run under my own steam, its rhythms based on my own values and priorities. 

The joy (and necessity) of getting back in touch with myself.

If you’re single and looking, I really do hope you find your person soon. I am so grateful for having found mine, and I know how hard it is to hear "your time will come, too" when you see no evidence of that on the horizon. (Especially going into February, right?)

But while you're waiting, there's another person (you) who deserves your attention...

and hard as it may be to see when you’re in the thick of doubt and disappointment…

that person is enough.
Looking for unique classroom valentines *and* a gr Looking for unique classroom valentines *and* a great deal? We love everything about @minted, from the high-quality paper and printing, to the ability to buy unique designs, freshly sourced from a community of independent artists. And right now, Minted has great deals on all things Valentine's Day!

(Pssst: they even have a Disney collection!)

Click this image at the link in our bio to get:
🎒 20% off Valentine photo cards, & classroom Valentines
🎁 20% off photo & stationery gifts on orders $250+
💕 15% off ALL orders with code BEMINE23.
🗓️ Sale ends Monday 1/30!

The Mom Hour is part of Minted's affiliate program, which means if you shop our links we'll earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you!
Here’s your January reminder to save shoeboxes f Here’s your January reminder to save shoeboxes for February and March classroom projects! Valentine boxes and leprechaun traps are around the corner, and shoe boxes are so much harder to come by these days. Consider this a friendly head’s up from a mom who’s been there.

Want more help and tips, plus reassurance that you’re doing a great job? (You are.) Search for The Mom Hour in your favorite podcast app and hit subscribe!

#kindergarten #firstgrade #valentinebox #leprechauntrap #shoeboxcraft #roomparent #roommom #classroomvalentines #parenting #momlife #parentingtip #tipsformoms
Looking to implement daily "quiet time" for presch Looking to implement daily "quiet time" for preschoolers? Even for kids who want to GO GO GO all day long, having a built-in pause in the day can help develop independent play skills, encourage rest, and - of course - give caregivers a chance to reset as well.

Since this week's podcast episode is all about kids and alone time, we thought we'd revisit this resource on the blog by Sandy Hsu:

👉 How To Encourage Independence In Preschoolers With A “Quiet Time” Routine. 👈 

Sandy (@hopefulsmiles) give tips for implementing a successful quiet time routine AND rounds up products and activities that help make independent play more likely - even in young preschoolers. Check it out by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

#quiettime #parentingtoddlers #parentingpreschoolers #momoflittles #stayathomemom #stayathomeparent #activitiesforpreschoolers #activitiesfortoddlers #threeyearolds #fouryearolds #fiveyearolds #momlife #sahm #sahmlife
New episode! Does solitude come naturally to your New episode!

Does solitude come naturally to your kids, or are moments of solo play far and few between? Meagan and Sarah read some research recently that challenged us to think about the importance of alone time, and whether our kids get enough. In this episode, we dive into our own childhood memories, how our children embrace (or run from) solitude, and how challenging it is to find that just-right balance. Join us! 

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
New episode! With all the day-to-day planning requ New episode! With all the day-to-day planning required to run a household, it's easy to put longterm planning on the back burner. Today Meagan and Sarah share lessons we've learned (or are still learning) that help us look ahead at a whole year, quarter, or month at a time. From knowing ourselves and our seasonal rhythms to figuring out where they keep next year's school calendar, we've picked up a few things over the years, and we're ready to dive in for 2023. Join us! 

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal y Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal you heard on our podcast? You're in luck because here's our sponsor roundup for January. Once a month, we use this space to thank our partners and remind you of their special offers. For our special promo codes and links, just tap our saved "Sponsors" highlight or search the brand name on our website. And when you do check out our sponsors + use our links and codes, it helps support our show! We also collect ALL our active promo codes in our email newsletter - which is full of our latest episodes and blog posts, personal updates, community news, and more. Tap on this image at the link in our bio to subscribe today.

Shoutout to our NEW sponsors:
🍳 @caraway_home (10% off gorgeous, non-toxic cookware!)
💪 @futurefitapp (risk-free trial of 1-on-1 personal training!)
🔪 @prepdish (2 weeks free of healthy, prep-ahead meal plans!)
🎨 @minted (design marketplace with art, bags, gifts & more!)
📚 @chatbooks (deals on the easiest photo books ever!)
😍 @fabletics (2 stylish workout bottoms for $24!)

And welcome back . . . 
⭐️ @stitchfix ($20 off your 1st purchase!)
⭐️ @theessentialcalendar (10% off full-season calendars!)
⭐️ @hiyahealth (50% off 1st order!)
⭐️ @kiwico_inc (50% off your 1st mo!)
⭐️ @athleticgreens (1yr of Vit.D + 5 travel packs!)
⭐️ @vionicshoes (free shipping on cute, comfy shoes!)
Braces on, braces off. First phones, driver's ed, Braces on, braces off. First phones, driver's ed, high school registration. As we discussed in this week's episode, we still get all the feels when older kids meet cultural or developmental milestones - even if they cringe when we celebrate and share.

Would love to hear what you're celebrating about your older kids! Everything from learning a new skill to blossoming independence - leave us a comment! 

PS - Listen to the episode in your favorite podcast app, or by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

#parenting #parentingbigkids #parentingteens #parentingtweens #bigkidmilestone #teenagers #tweens #momoftweens #momofteens #momofteenagers
Turns out, when your last baby approaches double-d Turns out, when your last baby approaches double-digits, you find yourself staring a different milestone right in the (puffy) face:

It's been a decade since I was pregnant for the last time. 

This photo was taken the morning of my scheduled c-section, just a few hours before we'd meet our third and last babe. It's hard to remember, but I'm SURE I was ready to be done. Constant braxton-hicks, heartburn I hadn't experienced with the other two, food aversions that lasted the whole 39w5d, and physical exhaustion trying to keep up with a 2- and 4-year old: all part of an otherwise uncomplicated pregnancy, but still nobody's idea of easy.

I don't miss it - being pregnant. Grateful to have had the experience, absolutely. But I've never really pined for another go-around, at least not seriously. Still, a whole decade removed feels as significant a milestone to me as does the notion that that double-dimpled babe will blow out ten candles this weekend.

Time, like, whoa. 

-Sarah

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