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in Blog on December 2, 2020 by Meagan Francis

Meagan’s Holiday Help, Day 2: Don’t try too hard.

I’ll month long, I’ll be sharing daily pick-me-ups, tips, and doses of inspiration to help us all find perspective during the month of December. We invite you to check back daily for these mini pep-talks as we prepare for a very unusual holiday season. –Meagan

Last week, a member of our Facebook Community asked for advice when it came to encouraging – or discouraging – her six-year-old’s belief in Santa. Should she go all-in to inspire his continued belief, she wondered, or come out with the unvarnished truth?

I’ve ushered five kids through various lengths and intensity levels of belief in magical beings, and this bit of wisdom has held true for every one of them: when a child wants to believe, you have to work pretty hard to convince them to stop. And when a child is ready to stop believing, you have to work pretty hard to convince them to hold on.

My advice: don’t work too hard one way or the other, and you’ll meet your kids where they are.

After commenting, it occurred to me that this bit of advice applies to pretty much everything holiday (and possibly, everything motherhood, now that I think about it.)

Of course, caring for our families takes work, and creating magical memories around the holidays takes a special kind of effort. But kids – particularly little ones – are typically pretty easily pleased in this department. And easy to read: pay attention, and they will let you know what brings them joy and what leaves them cold.

You don’t have to be a Juilliard-trained actor to convince a Santa-believing child that their belief is real. You don’t have to be a member of Harvard’s debate team to convince a child who’s ready to move past it.

Likewise, you don’t have to be Joy the Baker to mold cookie dough into a roundish shape your child can destroy with colored sugar and frosting, or a style influencer to decorate a tree that thrills your little one.

In fact, I sometimes think all this focus on perfection and effort takes away from a child’s experience, rather than adding to it. Who doesn’t remember the messy, gaudy, tinsel-laden decor of our childhood with a nostalgic smile?

This year, I challenge you to think in terms of joy, not effort:

  • If it gives you pleasure and satisfaction to bake five different kinds of cookies, wonderful! But if it stresses you out, consider: would your little one be just as happy decorating sugar cookies from a mix?
  • If you love tasteful holiday decor and get joy from to channeling your inner photo director, go for it! But if you’re forcing yourself to create an Instagram-worthy home for holiday photo shoots and it’s not filling your cup, consider that your child may be thrilled to decorate (even if poorly) his or her own miniature tree and call it a day.
  • And while we’re on the topic of photos – can we all admit that any time an entire smiling family is captured gathering around a Christmas tree in matching pajamas, there has almost certainly been a lot of sweat, a few tears, and a professional involved? Ask yourself: is all that effort adding to your family’s experience of the holiday, or is it more about meeting a manufactured expectation? (Side note: it is still perfectly OK to purchase a box of cards, jot a holiday greeting inside, and stick it in the mail. I promise.)

Let it go, mama. This is not the year to force anything – and you don’t have to.

There are easy ways to inject magic into your moments without piling on stress or thankless to-do’s. Focus on the things that are fun for you, and meet your kids where they are. The moments that bring them the most joy, the giddiest excitement, and the happiest memories are likely much closer to your lowest standards than you think.

ACTIVITY: Ask yourself–
– Which holiday activities/traditions feel the most forced?
– What unnecessary standards am I holding on to?
– Which activities bring the most joy to my family and me?
– What can I let go of to make more room for those things?
Please share your answers in the comments!

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Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Holiday Help 2020

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« Listener Questions (Vol. 29): Episode 289
Meagan’s Holiday Help, Day 3: Offer what you have (a.k.a. the fireplace is not the point.) »

Comments

  1. Ali says

    December 2, 2020 at 7:35 am

    I have been thinking about holiday cards for a few weeks and wondering if I should buy matching jammies for them and how i can get my kids to sit Together and smile or even get a few cute but funny outtakes to put on the cards. But the thought of doing planned christmas photos just feels…daunting. So I went through the pictures I’ve taken from the past couple of months and found couple of cute ones of my kiddos together and put them on holiday card template. Done and done!

    Reply
  2. Remy says

    December 2, 2020 at 11:27 am

    Holiday Parties! Until last year I thought I enjoyed them, looked forward to them. To dressing up and showing up. Sometimes even stressed over which one’s I got invited to and not. This year with nothing on the calendar I feel free and so light, this was an ah-ha moment for me.
    Another thing I decided to take a break this season is from posting on social media, the constant need to frame every activity into cute frames was getting too much. so I thought why don’t I skip it entirely this season, again feel so free! now am fully present to enjoy the moments. I might regret not getting any pics to go back later in the years to look at though, but maybe the memories will be stronger.

    Reply
  3. Michele Monroe says

    December 6, 2020 at 2:39 pm

    This year, I am letting go of having a matchy Christmas tree. I’ve always been a white lights and color-coordinated ornaments girl, and I’ve always told my kids no when they asked if they could hang their homemade/Spiderman/My Little Pony ornaments on the tree. But when you mentioned the nostalgic smile when thinking about the gaudy trees of our youths, that really hit home to me, because those colored lights were the most beautiful, magical thing in the world to me when I was little, and seeing the macaroni angel I made in school on the tree made me feel so loved. I can’t help but think that maybe I’ve had it all wrong. I think this year, our whole decor will be a lot more improv and a lot more joyful. 🙂

    Reply

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This recent picture of Eric and I adventuring in t This recent picture of Eric and I adventuring in the snow, well into our third year of dating, captures so much. 

But there's a lot it doesn't tell you, too. 

It doesn't tell you about the heartbreaking experience of watching my former marriage dissolve.

It doesn't tell you about the confusion and loneliness in the aftermath of my divorce six+ years ago.

It doesn't tell you about the time that, while driving home in the dark on a snowy evening, I reflected on the fact that nobody was expecting me to check in with them that night - that if I skidded into a ditch nobody would think to look for me for days.

It doesn't tell you about the twenty-five - yes, TWENTY-FIVE - first dates I went on prior to meeting Eric (the vast majority of those never turned into a second date.)

It doesn't tell you about the disappointments and doubts and tears leading up to finding my person.

And...

It also doesn't tell you about how much I (grudgingly) grew during that period of singleness. 

The strength and resourcefulness I discovered through having the space to run a household on my own and determine my own path in life. 

The peacefulness of a home run under my own steam, its rhythms based on my own values and priorities. 

The joy (and necessity) of getting back in touch with myself.

If you’re single and looking, I really do hope you find your person soon. I am so grateful for having found mine, and I know how hard it is to hear "your time will come, too" when you see no evidence of that on the horizon. (Especially going into February, right?)

But while you're waiting, there's another person (you) who deserves your attention...

and hard as it may be to see when you’re in the thick of doubt and disappointment…

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Looking for unique classroom valentines *and* a gr Looking for unique classroom valentines *and* a great deal? We love everything about @minted, from the high-quality paper and printing, to the ability to buy unique designs, freshly sourced from a community of independent artists. And right now, Minted has great deals on all things Valentine's Day!

(Pssst: they even have a Disney collection!)

Click this image at the link in our bio to get:
🎒 20% off Valentine photo cards, & classroom Valentines
🎁 20% off photo & stationery gifts on orders $250+
💕 15% off ALL orders with code BEMINE23.
🗓️ Sale ends Monday 1/30!

The Mom Hour is part of Minted's affiliate program, which means if you shop our links we'll earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you!
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Since this week's podcast episode is all about kids and alone time, we thought we'd revisit this resource on the blog by Sandy Hsu:

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Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal y Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal you heard on our podcast? You're in luck because here's our sponsor roundup for January. Once a month, we use this space to thank our partners and remind you of their special offers. For our special promo codes and links, just tap our saved "Sponsors" highlight or search the brand name on our website. And when you do check out our sponsors + use our links and codes, it helps support our show! We also collect ALL our active promo codes in our email newsletter - which is full of our latest episodes and blog posts, personal updates, community news, and more. Tap on this image at the link in our bio to subscribe today.

Shoutout to our NEW sponsors:
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😍 @fabletics (2 stylish workout bottoms for $24!)

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PS - Listen to the episode in your favorite podcast app, or by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

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It's been a decade since I was pregnant for the last time. 

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New episode! Big black trash bag energy is in ful New episode!

Big black trash bag energy is in full effect over here! In this episode Sarah is joined by contributor @cafedumartin for a conversation about how, why and what we are getting rid of this January. We talk strategic home resets, major junk-hauling, and tips for ongoing clutter maintenance. And while on the surface this episode is about physical stuff, we also acknowledge the emotional complexity that surrounds getting rid of stuff.

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
This recent picture of Eric and I adventuring in t This recent picture of Eric and I adventuring in the snow, well into our third year of dating, captures so much. 

But there's a lot it doesn't tell you, too. 

It doesn't tell you about the heartbreaking experience of watching my former marriage dissolve.

It doesn't tell you about the confusion and loneliness in the aftermath of my divorce six+ years ago.

It doesn't tell you about the time that, while driving home in the dark on a snowy evening, I reflected on the fact that nobody was expecting me to check in with them that night - that if I skidded into a ditch nobody would think to look for me for days.

It doesn't tell you about the twenty-five - yes, TWENTY-FIVE - first dates I went on prior to meeting Eric (the vast majority of those never turned into a second date.)

It doesn't tell you about the disappointments and doubts and tears leading up to finding my person.

And...

It also doesn't tell you about how much I (grudgingly) grew during that period of singleness. 

The strength and resourcefulness I discovered through having the space to run a household on my own and determine my own path in life. 

The peacefulness of a home run under my own steam, its rhythms based on my own values and priorities. 

The joy (and necessity) of getting back in touch with myself.

If you’re single and looking, I really do hope you find your person soon. I am so grateful for having found mine, and I know how hard it is to hear "your time will come, too" when you see no evidence of that on the horizon. (Especially going into February, right?)

But while you're waiting, there's another person (you) who deserves your attention...

and hard as it may be to see when you’re in the thick of doubt and disappointment…

that person is enough.
Looking for unique classroom valentines *and* a gr Looking for unique classroom valentines *and* a great deal? We love everything about @minted, from the high-quality paper and printing, to the ability to buy unique designs, freshly sourced from a community of independent artists. And right now, Minted has great deals on all things Valentine's Day!

(Pssst: they even have a Disney collection!)

Click this image at the link in our bio to get:
🎒 20% off Valentine photo cards, & classroom Valentines
🎁 20% off photo & stationery gifts on orders $250+
💕 15% off ALL orders with code BEMINE23.
🗓️ Sale ends Monday 1/30!

The Mom Hour is part of Minted's affiliate program, which means if you shop our links we'll earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you!
Here’s your January reminder to save shoeboxes f Here’s your January reminder to save shoeboxes for February and March classroom projects! Valentine boxes and leprechaun traps are around the corner, and shoe boxes are so much harder to come by these days. Consider this a friendly head’s up from a mom who’s been there.

Want more help and tips, plus reassurance that you’re doing a great job? (You are.) Search for The Mom Hour in your favorite podcast app and hit subscribe!

#kindergarten #firstgrade #valentinebox #leprechauntrap #shoeboxcraft #roomparent #roommom #classroomvalentines #parenting #momlife #parentingtip #tipsformoms
Looking to implement daily "quiet time" for presch Looking to implement daily "quiet time" for preschoolers? Even for kids who want to GO GO GO all day long, having a built-in pause in the day can help develop independent play skills, encourage rest, and - of course - give caregivers a chance to reset as well.

Since this week's podcast episode is all about kids and alone time, we thought we'd revisit this resource on the blog by Sandy Hsu:

👉 How To Encourage Independence In Preschoolers With A “Quiet Time” Routine. 👈 

Sandy (@hopefulsmiles) give tips for implementing a successful quiet time routine AND rounds up products and activities that help make independent play more likely - even in young preschoolers. Check it out by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

#quiettime #parentingtoddlers #parentingpreschoolers #momoflittles #stayathomemom #stayathomeparent #activitiesforpreschoolers #activitiesfortoddlers #threeyearolds #fouryearolds #fiveyearolds #momlife #sahm #sahmlife
New episode! Does solitude come naturally to your New episode!

Does solitude come naturally to your kids, or are moments of solo play far and few between? Meagan and Sarah read some research recently that challenged us to think about the importance of alone time, and whether our kids get enough. In this episode, we dive into our own childhood memories, how our children embrace (or run from) solitude, and how challenging it is to find that just-right balance. Join us! 

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
New episode! With all the day-to-day planning requ New episode! With all the day-to-day planning required to run a household, it's easy to put longterm planning on the back burner. Today Meagan and Sarah share lessons we've learned (or are still learning) that help us look ahead at a whole year, quarter, or month at a time. From knowing ourselves and our seasonal rhythms to figuring out where they keep next year's school calendar, we've picked up a few things over the years, and we're ready to dive in for 2023. Join us! 

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal y Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal you heard on our podcast? You're in luck because here's our sponsor roundup for January. Once a month, we use this space to thank our partners and remind you of their special offers. For our special promo codes and links, just tap our saved "Sponsors" highlight or search the brand name on our website. And when you do check out our sponsors + use our links and codes, it helps support our show! We also collect ALL our active promo codes in our email newsletter - which is full of our latest episodes and blog posts, personal updates, community news, and more. Tap on this image at the link in our bio to subscribe today.

Shoutout to our NEW sponsors:
🍳 @caraway_home (10% off gorgeous, non-toxic cookware!)
💪 @futurefitapp (risk-free trial of 1-on-1 personal training!)
🔪 @prepdish (2 weeks free of healthy, prep-ahead meal plans!)
🎨 @minted (design marketplace with art, bags, gifts & more!)
📚 @chatbooks (deals on the easiest photo books ever!)
😍 @fabletics (2 stylish workout bottoms for $24!)

And welcome back . . . 
⭐️ @stitchfix ($20 off your 1st purchase!)
⭐️ @theessentialcalendar (10% off full-season calendars!)
⭐️ @hiyahealth (50% off 1st order!)
⭐️ @kiwico_inc (50% off your 1st mo!)
⭐️ @athleticgreens (1yr of Vit.D + 5 travel packs!)
⭐️ @vionicshoes (free shipping on cute, comfy shoes!)
Braces on, braces off. First phones, driver's ed, Braces on, braces off. First phones, driver's ed, high school registration. As we discussed in this week's episode, we still get all the feels when older kids meet cultural or developmental milestones - even if they cringe when we celebrate and share.

Would love to hear what you're celebrating about your older kids! Everything from learning a new skill to blossoming independence - leave us a comment! 

PS - Listen to the episode in your favorite podcast app, or by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

#parenting #parentingbigkids #parentingteens #parentingtweens #bigkidmilestone #teenagers #tweens #momoftweens #momofteens #momofteenagers
Turns out, when your last baby approaches double-d Turns out, when your last baby approaches double-digits, you find yourself staring a different milestone right in the (puffy) face:

It's been a decade since I was pregnant for the last time. 

This photo was taken the morning of my scheduled c-section, just a few hours before we'd meet our third and last babe. It's hard to remember, but I'm SURE I was ready to be done. Constant braxton-hicks, heartburn I hadn't experienced with the other two, food aversions that lasted the whole 39w5d, and physical exhaustion trying to keep up with a 2- and 4-year old: all part of an otherwise uncomplicated pregnancy, but still nobody's idea of easy.

I don't miss it - being pregnant. Grateful to have had the experience, absolutely. But I've never really pined for another go-around, at least not seriously. Still, a whole decade removed feels as significant a milestone to me as does the notion that that double-dimpled babe will blow out ten candles this weekend.

Time, like, whoa. 

-Sarah

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