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in Blog on May 23, 2022 by Joanna Martin

Potty Training: Third Time’s The Charm?

When I was pregnant with my first baby I got so much unsolicited advice about baby’s first year: advice about the early days of so many diapers and frequent nighttime wake-ups; advice to always have a change of clothes for blowout scenarios. I could not wait to dive right into parenthood and baby snuggles, and to witness the developmental milestones that make infancy magical – even with all of the diaper changing mishap stories I heard about! But when my baby eventually turned into a toddler I felt a bit lost. It seemed as though a very large, important (and dare I say: traumatic) stage had been skipped over in these stories I kept hearing? 

The stories I heard were all either about babyhood or childhood: family trips, memory making, and extracurriculars for big kids. And not one of the advice-offering women told me about the life-altering time in every parent’s life that is potty training. It was as if they had blocked the memory from their minds, like they all experienced some collective PTSD after sitting in bathrooms for hours on end with tiny humans refusing to get their bodily fluids and solids into the toilet, and they couldn’t summon those memories back to warn a new mom. 

Well, I am currently in the throes of potty training my third child and I now feel a bit like these mothers who offered me so much baby advice. While some of the memories flood back to me – the accidents, the camping out in the bathroom, the picking out undies and a tiny potty at Target, the sticker charts and prizes earned – there is so much about potty training I don’t remember from my first two children. There is so much I too had blocked out from my memory and I am relearning the lessons as we go.

So for you, and for myself, here are four pieces of potty training advice I wish someone had given me as a new mom:

Lesson 1: Potty Training Is A Team Effort

Potty training is truly a TEAM sport. Both the caregiver and the trainee have to be ready and willing to jump in. With my first toddler I was heavily influenced by the advice of grandmothers and peer pressure to potty train in three days (and the younger the better, they said!). This endeavor eventually ended in one day. My couch was soaked in pee and my husband came home to a crying 18-month-old and a crying wife.

After some wise counsel from our pediatrician (who is also mother of five) I completely changed my potty training mindset. She told me that while potty training does rely on some key developmental milestones, some kids just aren’t ready and need more time. The most important part of potty training is that it is a TEAM effort between the caregiver and child. She said that anytime any one of her kids was potty training it also became a bigger family team effort – siblings cheering on the potty trainee and parents sharing the load.

This time around I looked for all of the developmental cues from my son: interest in the potty, language development, communication skills, awareness of when he was pooping. I also aligned it with my mental state: were we traveling anywhere soon (NOT the time to tackle potty training), was I stressed, was I ready to commit to the process? These questions were important for BOTH of us before diving in.

Lesson 2: Different Kids, Different Methods

I have a background in child learning and development. I’ve read my fair share of sibling studies and twin studies researching just how different temperaments can vary within families. AND YET, as a mother of three I am constantly amazed at how very different my kids are. 

A common phrase we use when explaining our parenting choices (compared to other families) to our kids is, “Different mommy, different rules.” When it comes to potty training it has felt as though I need to use that same phrase but instead, “Different kids, different methods.”

With my firstborn, I read all of the potty training literature. We blocked off time on our calendar to train her and commit as a family. We were staunchly against using pull-ups and she was the kind of kid who would question us if there was any deviation in expectations. With my second, she declared her desire to potty train two days after we brought her brother home from the hospital – assuring us that her two-year-and-nine-month-old-self was no longer a “baby” and no longer needed to wear diapers. (All the while I personally was still in MY postpartum diaper set up.)

My third? This kid has used the most pull-ups because my sanity needs him to go to preschool twice a week and his sisters have extracurriculars that we want to attend as a family. At first I thought I was being lazy – I didn’t use pull-ups nearly as much with his sisters! But I was making the choice that our family needed in this season of life. He is also the type of kid who has been fine transitioning back and forth between pull-ups and underwear, which was also different from his sisters.

Lesson 3: Poop Happens

As different as my children are in their temperaments and potty training styles some things remain the same no matter your age, stage, or gender. In a recent podcast episode Meagan and Sarah talked about the muscle memory of motherhood, referencing that cool move I have done for all of my kids at some point: pry off a caked-on poop from their body while wearing training undies and then have the internal debate of whether or not to scrape the poop out and wash the undies or throw them out and save myself some gagging. 

There’s also the time right before potty training. It’s a blissful time where you feel a bit of freedom as a parent. Your toddler can walk, you don’t need to haul a hefty diaper bag everywhere, life is good! Then you start potty training and you suddenly have the huge diaper bag again. But this time it is stocked with undies, wipes, pull ups, a change of clothes for your child and maybe even a change for you.

Let’s not forget the moment you notice that your newly potty training toddler has pooped in their underwear and continues to play like nothing has happened. All the while they look like a hen who has laid an egg in their pants. All moments I have experienced while potty training my kids, and all moments that many other parents have experienced as well. Poop happens to the best of us. 

Lesson 4: It Really Is All Going To Be OK

The mental gymnastics of potty training are something else. I was talking to a mom friend recently and waxing poetic on my recent potty training experiences. I said I think the thing I hate the most about potty training is that I have no control, and MY CHILD has no control over bodily functions that need control and teaching the control is really HARD. She reassured me that it is hard and that’s what I needed the most. To have someone say that it is hard, acknowledge that potty training is something all toddler parents have to endure, and give me a little pat on the back for doing it all. She also told me that any progress is good progress to remember – which is hard to do when you’re in the thick of cleaning up pee off the floor for the fourth time in a day or rewashing tiny Spiderman undies. 

I am making progress in my patience and need to control everything and he is making progress in pooping in the potty more often than not. One day, we WILL get there. There will come a day when he goes to the bathroom and I don’t even ask if he wants to put a sticker on his sticker chart. He will become self-sufficient and grow and these experiences will fade into funny memories. Memories that will definitely be shared one day when I attend a baby shower as a veteran mom letting a new mom know all that is to come after the baby’s first year.

Want More On Toddlers & Potty Training?

Hit Play On One Of These Episodes:

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Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: mom confidence, preschoolers, toddlers

About Joanna Martin

Joanna is a lifelong Dallas resident with a bearded husband, two spirited sisters, one sweet boy and a very needy dog inhabiting the walls of her home. She graduated from The University of Texas at Dallas with degrees in Child Learning and Development and Psychology before becoming a public school teacher. She is now a stay-at-home mom who dabbles in too many hobbies and activities to count, making life very full and very beautiful.

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Comments

  1. Andrea says

    June 3, 2022 at 11:20 am

    Thank you for this post. It is EXACTLY what I needed. I am elbow deep in training my just-turned-three-year-old son and have cried every day with how hard it is to not have control and how hard it is to have to let him figure it out. The loss of freedom is hard too. I can do this….right?

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But there's a lot it doesn't tell you, too. 

It doesn't tell you about the heartbreaking experience of watching my former marriage dissolve.

It doesn't tell you about the confusion and loneliness in the aftermath of my divorce six+ years ago.

It doesn't tell you about the time that, while driving home in the dark on a snowy evening, I reflected on the fact that nobody was expecting me to check in with them that night - that if I skidded into a ditch nobody would think to look for me for days.

It doesn't tell you about the twenty-five - yes, TWENTY-FIVE - first dates I went on prior to meeting Eric (the vast majority of those never turned into a second date.)

It doesn't tell you about the disappointments and doubts and tears leading up to finding my person.

And...

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The strength and resourcefulness I discovered through having the space to run a household on my own and determine my own path in life. 

The peacefulness of a home run under my own steam, its rhythms based on my own values and priorities. 

The joy (and necessity) of getting back in touch with myself.

If you’re single and looking, I really do hope you find your person soon. I am so grateful for having found mine, and I know how hard it is to hear "your time will come, too" when you see no evidence of that on the horizon. (Especially going into February, right?)

But while you're waiting, there's another person (you) who deserves your attention...

and hard as it may be to see when you’re in the thick of doubt and disappointment…

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Looking for unique classroom valentines *and* a gr Looking for unique classroom valentines *and* a great deal? We love everything about @minted, from the high-quality paper and printing, to the ability to buy unique designs, freshly sourced from a community of independent artists. And right now, Minted has great deals on all things Valentine's Day!

(Pssst: they even have a Disney collection!)

Click this image at the link in our bio to get:
🎒 20% off Valentine photo cards, & classroom Valentines
🎁 20% off photo & stationery gifts on orders $250+
💕 15% off ALL orders with code BEMINE23.
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Since this week's podcast episode is all about kids and alone time, we thought we'd revisit this resource on the blog by Sandy Hsu:

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Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

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Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

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Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal y Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal you heard on our podcast? You're in luck because here's our sponsor roundup for January. Once a month, we use this space to thank our partners and remind you of their special offers. For our special promo codes and links, just tap our saved "Sponsors" highlight or search the brand name on our website. And when you do check out our sponsors + use our links and codes, it helps support our show! We also collect ALL our active promo codes in our email newsletter - which is full of our latest episodes and blog posts, personal updates, community news, and more. Tap on this image at the link in our bio to subscribe today.

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Would love to hear what you're celebrating about your older kids! Everything from learning a new skill to blossoming independence - leave us a comment! 

PS - Listen to the episode in your favorite podcast app, or by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

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It's been a decade since I was pregnant for the last time. 

This photo was taken the morning of my scheduled c-section, just a few hours before we'd meet our third and last babe. It's hard to remember, but I'm SURE I was ready to be done. Constant braxton-hicks, heartburn I hadn't experienced with the other two, food aversions that lasted the whole 39w5d, and physical exhaustion trying to keep up with a 2- and 4-year old: all part of an otherwise uncomplicated pregnancy, but still nobody's idea of easy.

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New episode! Big black trash bag energy is in ful New episode!

Big black trash bag energy is in full effect over here! In this episode Sarah is joined by contributor @cafedumartin for a conversation about how, why and what we are getting rid of this January. We talk strategic home resets, major junk-hauling, and tips for ongoing clutter maintenance. And while on the surface this episode is about physical stuff, we also acknowledge the emotional complexity that surrounds getting rid of stuff.

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
This recent picture of Eric and I adventuring in t This recent picture of Eric and I adventuring in the snow, well into our third year of dating, captures so much. 

But there's a lot it doesn't tell you, too. 

It doesn't tell you about the heartbreaking experience of watching my former marriage dissolve.

It doesn't tell you about the confusion and loneliness in the aftermath of my divorce six+ years ago.

It doesn't tell you about the time that, while driving home in the dark on a snowy evening, I reflected on the fact that nobody was expecting me to check in with them that night - that if I skidded into a ditch nobody would think to look for me for days.

It doesn't tell you about the twenty-five - yes, TWENTY-FIVE - first dates I went on prior to meeting Eric (the vast majority of those never turned into a second date.)

It doesn't tell you about the disappointments and doubts and tears leading up to finding my person.

And...

It also doesn't tell you about how much I (grudgingly) grew during that period of singleness. 

The strength and resourcefulness I discovered through having the space to run a household on my own and determine my own path in life. 

The peacefulness of a home run under my own steam, its rhythms based on my own values and priorities. 

The joy (and necessity) of getting back in touch with myself.

If you’re single and looking, I really do hope you find your person soon. I am so grateful for having found mine, and I know how hard it is to hear "your time will come, too" when you see no evidence of that on the horizon. (Especially going into February, right?)

But while you're waiting, there's another person (you) who deserves your attention...

and hard as it may be to see when you’re in the thick of doubt and disappointment…

that person is enough.
Looking for unique classroom valentines *and* a gr Looking for unique classroom valentines *and* a great deal? We love everything about @minted, from the high-quality paper and printing, to the ability to buy unique designs, freshly sourced from a community of independent artists. And right now, Minted has great deals on all things Valentine's Day!

(Pssst: they even have a Disney collection!)

Click this image at the link in our bio to get:
🎒 20% off Valentine photo cards, & classroom Valentines
🎁 20% off photo & stationery gifts on orders $250+
💕 15% off ALL orders with code BEMINE23.
🗓️ Sale ends Monday 1/30!

The Mom Hour is part of Minted's affiliate program, which means if you shop our links we'll earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you!
Here’s your January reminder to save shoeboxes f Here’s your January reminder to save shoeboxes for February and March classroom projects! Valentine boxes and leprechaun traps are around the corner, and shoe boxes are so much harder to come by these days. Consider this a friendly head’s up from a mom who’s been there.

Want more help and tips, plus reassurance that you’re doing a great job? (You are.) Search for The Mom Hour in your favorite podcast app and hit subscribe!

#kindergarten #firstgrade #valentinebox #leprechauntrap #shoeboxcraft #roomparent #roommom #classroomvalentines #parenting #momlife #parentingtip #tipsformoms
Looking to implement daily "quiet time" for presch Looking to implement daily "quiet time" for preschoolers? Even for kids who want to GO GO GO all day long, having a built-in pause in the day can help develop independent play skills, encourage rest, and - of course - give caregivers a chance to reset as well.

Since this week's podcast episode is all about kids and alone time, we thought we'd revisit this resource on the blog by Sandy Hsu:

👉 How To Encourage Independence In Preschoolers With A “Quiet Time” Routine. 👈 

Sandy (@hopefulsmiles) give tips for implementing a successful quiet time routine AND rounds up products and activities that help make independent play more likely - even in young preschoolers. Check it out by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

#quiettime #parentingtoddlers #parentingpreschoolers #momoflittles #stayathomemom #stayathomeparent #activitiesforpreschoolers #activitiesfortoddlers #threeyearolds #fouryearolds #fiveyearolds #momlife #sahm #sahmlife
New episode! Does solitude come naturally to your New episode!

Does solitude come naturally to your kids, or are moments of solo play far and few between? Meagan and Sarah read some research recently that challenged us to think about the importance of alone time, and whether our kids get enough. In this episode, we dive into our own childhood memories, how our children embrace (or run from) solitude, and how challenging it is to find that just-right balance. Join us! 

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
New episode! With all the day-to-day planning requ New episode! With all the day-to-day planning required to run a household, it's easy to put longterm planning on the back burner. Today Meagan and Sarah share lessons we've learned (or are still learning) that help us look ahead at a whole year, quarter, or month at a time. From knowing ourselves and our seasonal rhythms to figuring out where they keep next year's school calendar, we've picked up a few things over the years, and we're ready to dive in for 2023. Join us! 

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal y Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal you heard on our podcast? You're in luck because here's our sponsor roundup for January. Once a month, we use this space to thank our partners and remind you of their special offers. For our special promo codes and links, just tap our saved "Sponsors" highlight or search the brand name on our website. And when you do check out our sponsors + use our links and codes, it helps support our show! We also collect ALL our active promo codes in our email newsletter - which is full of our latest episodes and blog posts, personal updates, community news, and more. Tap on this image at the link in our bio to subscribe today.

Shoutout to our NEW sponsors:
🍳 @caraway_home (10% off gorgeous, non-toxic cookware!)
💪 @futurefitapp (risk-free trial of 1-on-1 personal training!)
🔪 @prepdish (2 weeks free of healthy, prep-ahead meal plans!)
🎨 @minted (design marketplace with art, bags, gifts & more!)
📚 @chatbooks (deals on the easiest photo books ever!)
😍 @fabletics (2 stylish workout bottoms for $24!)

And welcome back . . . 
⭐️ @stitchfix ($20 off your 1st purchase!)
⭐️ @theessentialcalendar (10% off full-season calendars!)
⭐️ @hiyahealth (50% off 1st order!)
⭐️ @kiwico_inc (50% off your 1st mo!)
⭐️ @athleticgreens (1yr of Vit.D + 5 travel packs!)
⭐️ @vionicshoes (free shipping on cute, comfy shoes!)
Braces on, braces off. First phones, driver's ed, Braces on, braces off. First phones, driver's ed, high school registration. As we discussed in this week's episode, we still get all the feels when older kids meet cultural or developmental milestones - even if they cringe when we celebrate and share.

Would love to hear what you're celebrating about your older kids! Everything from learning a new skill to blossoming independence - leave us a comment! 

PS - Listen to the episode in your favorite podcast app, or by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

#parenting #parentingbigkids #parentingteens #parentingtweens #bigkidmilestone #teenagers #tweens #momoftweens #momofteens #momofteenagers
Turns out, when your last baby approaches double-d Turns out, when your last baby approaches double-digits, you find yourself staring a different milestone right in the (puffy) face:

It's been a decade since I was pregnant for the last time. 

This photo was taken the morning of my scheduled c-section, just a few hours before we'd meet our third and last babe. It's hard to remember, but I'm SURE I was ready to be done. Constant braxton-hicks, heartburn I hadn't experienced with the other two, food aversions that lasted the whole 39w5d, and physical exhaustion trying to keep up with a 2- and 4-year old: all part of an otherwise uncomplicated pregnancy, but still nobody's idea of easy.

I don't miss it - being pregnant. Grateful to have had the experience, absolutely. But I've never really pined for another go-around, at least not seriously. Still, a whole decade removed feels as significant a milestone to me as does the notion that that double-dimpled babe will blow out ten candles this weekend.

Time, like, whoa. 

-Sarah

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