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in Blog on May 23, 2022 by Joanna Martin

Potty Training: Third Time’s The Charm?

When I was pregnant with my first baby I got so much unsolicited advice about baby’s first year: advice about the early days of so many diapers and frequent nighttime wake-ups; advice to always have a change of clothes for blowout scenarios. I could not wait to dive right into parenthood and baby snuggles, and to witness the developmental milestones that make infancy magical – even with all of the diaper changing mishap stories I heard about! But when my baby eventually turned into a toddler I felt a bit lost. It seemed as though a very large, important (and dare I say: traumatic) stage had been skipped over in these stories I kept hearing? 

The stories I heard were all either about babyhood or childhood: family trips, memory making, and extracurriculars for big kids. And not one of the advice-offering women told me about the life-altering time in every parent’s life that is potty training. It was as if they had blocked the memory from their minds, like they all experienced some collective PTSD after sitting in bathrooms for hours on end with tiny humans refusing to get their bodily fluids and solids into the toilet, and they couldn’t summon those memories back to warn a new mom. 

Well, I am currently in the throes of potty training my third child and I now feel a bit like these mothers who offered me so much baby advice. While some of the memories flood back to me – the accidents, the camping out in the bathroom, the picking out undies and a tiny potty at Target, the sticker charts and prizes earned – there is so much about potty training I don’t remember from my first two children. There is so much I too had blocked out from my memory and I am relearning the lessons as we go.

So for you, and for myself, here are four pieces of potty training advice I wish someone had given me as a new mom:

Lesson 1: Potty Training Is A Team Effort

Potty training is truly a TEAM sport. Both the caregiver and the trainee have to be ready and willing to jump in. With my first toddler I was heavily influenced by the advice of grandmothers and peer pressure to potty train in three days (and the younger the better, they said!). This endeavor eventually ended in one day. My couch was soaked in pee and my husband came home to a crying 18-month-old and a crying wife.

After some wise counsel from our pediatrician (who is also mother of five) I completely changed my potty training mindset. She told me that while potty training does rely on some key developmental milestones, some kids just aren’t ready and need more time. The most important part of potty training is that it is a TEAM effort between the caregiver and child. She said that anytime any one of her kids was potty training it also became a bigger family team effort – siblings cheering on the potty trainee and parents sharing the load.

This time around I looked for all of the developmental cues from my son: interest in the potty, language development, communication skills, awareness of when he was pooping. I also aligned it with my mental state: were we traveling anywhere soon (NOT the time to tackle potty training), was I stressed, was I ready to commit to the process? These questions were important for BOTH of us before diving in.

Lesson 2: Different Kids, Different Methods

I have a background in child learning and development. I’ve read my fair share of sibling studies and twin studies researching just how different temperaments can vary within families. AND YET, as a mother of three I am constantly amazed at how very different my kids are. 

A common phrase we use when explaining our parenting choices (compared to other families) to our kids is, “Different mommy, different rules.” When it comes to potty training it has felt as though I need to use that same phrase but instead, “Different kids, different methods.”

With my firstborn, I read all of the potty training literature. We blocked off time on our calendar to train her and commit as a family. We were staunchly against using pull-ups and she was the kind of kid who would question us if there was any deviation in expectations. With my second, she declared her desire to potty train two days after we brought her brother home from the hospital – assuring us that her two-year-and-nine-month-old-self was no longer a “baby” and no longer needed to wear diapers. (All the while I personally was still in MY postpartum diaper set up.)

My third? This kid has used the most pull-ups because my sanity needs him to go to preschool twice a week and his sisters have extracurriculars that we want to attend as a family. At first I thought I was being lazy – I didn’t use pull-ups nearly as much with his sisters! But I was making the choice that our family needed in this season of life. He is also the type of kid who has been fine transitioning back and forth between pull-ups and underwear, which was also different from his sisters.

Lesson 3: Poop Happens

As different as my children are in their temperaments and potty training styles some things remain the same no matter your age, stage, or gender. In a recent podcast episode Meagan and Sarah talked about the muscle memory of motherhood, referencing that cool move I have done for all of my kids at some point: pry off a caked-on poop from their body while wearing training undies and then have the internal debate of whether or not to scrape the poop out and wash the undies or throw them out and save myself some gagging. 

There’s also the time right before potty training. It’s a blissful time where you feel a bit of freedom as a parent. Your toddler can walk, you don’t need to haul a hefty diaper bag everywhere, life is good! Then you start potty training and you suddenly have the huge diaper bag again. But this time it is stocked with undies, wipes, pull ups, a change of clothes for your child and maybe even a change for you.

Let’s not forget the moment you notice that your newly potty training toddler has pooped in their underwear and continues to play like nothing has happened. All the while they look like a hen who has laid an egg in their pants. All moments I have experienced while potty training my kids, and all moments that many other parents have experienced as well. Poop happens to the best of us. 

Lesson 4: It Really Is All Going To Be OK

The mental gymnastics of potty training are something else. I was talking to a mom friend recently and waxing poetic on my recent potty training experiences. I said I think the thing I hate the most about potty training is that I have no control, and MY CHILD has no control over bodily functions that need control and teaching the control is really HARD. She reassured me that it is hard and that’s what I needed the most. To have someone say that it is hard, acknowledge that potty training is something all toddler parents have to endure, and give me a little pat on the back for doing it all. She also told me that any progress is good progress to remember – which is hard to do when you’re in the thick of cleaning up pee off the floor for the fourth time in a day or rewashing tiny Spiderman undies. 

I am making progress in my patience and need to control everything and he is making progress in pooping in the potty more often than not. One day, we WILL get there. There will come a day when he goes to the bathroom and I don’t even ask if he wants to put a sticker on his sticker chart. He will become self-sufficient and grow and these experiences will fade into funny memories. Memories that will definitely be shared one day when I attend a baby shower as a veteran mom letting a new mom know all that is to come after the baby’s first year.

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Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: mom confidence, preschoolers, toddlers

About Joanna Martin

Joanna is a lifelong Dallas resident with a bearded husband, two spirited sisters, one sweet boy and a very needy dog inhabiting the walls of her home. She graduated from The University of Texas at Dallas with degrees in Child Learning and Development and Psychology before becoming a public school teacher. She is now a stay-at-home mom who dabbles in too many hobbies and activities to count, making life very full and very beautiful.

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Comments

  1. Andrea says

    June 3, 2022 at 11:20 am

    Thank you for this post. It is EXACTLY what I needed. I am elbow deep in training my just-turned-three-year-old son and have cried every day with how hard it is to not have control and how hard it is to have to let him figure it out. The loss of freedom is hard too. I can do this….right?

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#stayathomemom #preschoolers #summermomlife #arizonasummer #summerschedulefortoddlers #summerscheduledforpreschoolers #samplesummerschedule #summerdaysathom
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Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

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67. The answer is 67. Yes, I’ve checked my work! Maybe someone who passed calculus can explain? 🤪 -M

#mommath #drowningindishes #summerbreakisnotreallyabreak
Happy weekend - and a big thanks to our June spons Happy weekend - and a big thanks to our June sponsors! Every month, we like to take a little time to shoutout our partners who help support the show + remind our listeners of some of the great deals our sponsors are offering. For more info, specific promo codes, and links, just search the brand name on our website, and they'll pop up in our episode show notes. We also collect ALL our active promo codes (even the old ones that are still working!) in our email newsletter - which is full of other great things we want to share with you, too. Tap on this image at the link in our bio to subscribe today. 

Meet our NEW partners this month . . .
🗣️ @connectspeech (early language support!)
💙 @appahealth (1st month of mentorship free!)
💄 @thrivecausemetics (15% off your 1st order)

And welcome back to . . .
⭐️ @paireyewear (15% off your 1st purchase!)
⭐️ @autoapprove ($100 when you refinance!)
⭐️ @outschool ($15 off your child's 1st class!)
⭐️ @mindandchild ($20 off Parenting 101 course!)
⭐️ @flowkey_com (20% off subscription piano app!)
⭐️ @stitchfix ($20 off your 1st purchase!)
⭐️ @publicgoods ($15 off, no minimum!)
⭐️ @scholasticinc (books for kids of all ages!)
⭐️ @hiyahealth (50% off 1st order!)
⭐️ @kiwico_inc (30% off your 1st mo!)
⭐️ @ritual (10% off 1st 3 mo!)
⭐️ @athleticgreens (1yr of Vit.D + 5 travel packs!)
⭐️ @vionicshoes (free shipping on cute shoes!)
⭐️ @project_wren (10 trees planted when you sign up!)
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Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts #travelingwoes #travelingwithkids #familytravelmishaps
New on the blog this week from @kiamhammond: Learn New on the blog this week from @kiamhammond: Learning About Juneteenth, As A Family.

"Like many families, mine is still figuring out how to teach our children about Juneteenth, as learning the history wasn't part of my education or my husband's when we were kids. The good news is, books written for children and families are a great way for the whole family to learn (and there are a lot of them!)."

Click this image at the link in our bio to read Kia’s book recommendations and more ways to start the conversation at home with your family.

#juneteenth #history #blackhistory #parenting #juneteenthbooksforkids #summerreading
New episode! As moms, we can be hard on ourselves New episode!

As moms, we can be hard on ourselves…and sometimes we just need to hear the simplest, oft-repeated pieces of advice and encouragement to remind us that it is all going to be OK. Join Meagan and Sarah for a reflection on eight pieces of wisdom that have carried us through motherhood struggles at every age and stage. We are offering them to you, to ourselves, and to all of our future selves in Episode 369.

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts #momtruisms #momtruths #parentingadvice #motherhoodstruggles
Just a “hello” from last-week-me, who spent 30 Just a “hello” from last-week-me, who spent 30 minutes moving 25 chickens by hand from their home to the new chicken yard, because they refused to go on their own. And then an hour moving them back, because same.

It reminded me a lot of mothering a toddler, and got me wondering: what’s the most ridiculous thing mom life has brought you in the past week? -M
New episode! Have you ever fantasized about atten New episode!

Have you ever fantasized about attending a camp-like environment for grown-ups? Much about the classic summer camp experience is appealing to us (though not EVERYTHING--we could certainly do without the bugs), and the idea of simply showing up for a perfectly curated experience without any responsibility, or planning, sounds AMAZING. Listen to this fun More Than Mom to hear all of our must-have activities (like food and wine tastings, yoga, personal style consults and more!), things that would be a hard no (like swimming in the gross, murky lake or participating in corny, guided crafts) and our daydreams about creating a Mom Hour Retreat (maybe someday?)!

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts #summercamps #womenretreats #momretreat
New on the blog this week from @jaymesherrod: LGBT New on the blog this week from @jaymesherrod: LGBTQ+ Resources For Parents (And Anyone Who Wants To Learn!). 

"The fact is, none of us will get it right every time. Not with each other, and certainly not with our kids. But it’s important that we keep showing up and having the conversations anyway."

Click this image at the link in our bio to access Jayme's roundup of resources.

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