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in Blog on October 7, 2020 by Meagan Francis

Surge Capacity, Microstressors & A Monday Meltdown

This essay originally appeared in our monthly newsletter for The Mom Hour podcast. To get our emails, subscribe here. –Meagan

The better part of my weekend was lovely and relaxing. I spent most of Saturday and much of Sunday with my new man friend while my younger kids were off with their dad. Around 1:00 on Sunday afternoon, I glibly created an online grocery order, applauding myself for the foresight – I’d waltz in around the time my kids were dropped off that evening, I figured, just in time to throw a quick dinner in the oven. I even threw a couple “wow” items in the cart, including a 16-pack of Eggo waffles and a can of whipped cream.

At about 5:00, just after the groceries had been delivered, Jacob texted me. “I think there’s something wrong with the freezer,” he said.

Of course I didn’t take him too seriously. If there’s anything that I, as a mom of older kids, have learned, it’s that any so-called “emergency” could actually have a variety of root causes from user error to simply inaccurate electrical diagnoses. As such, all emergencies need to be vetted with my own eyes before I bother freaking out.

Still, I did hasten my return home by about an hour, and walked in to find that not only the freezer, but the fridge were completely…warm. Not just ‘not functioning well” warm but “this appliance has not been alive for at least 24 hours” warm. Yes, friends: I ordered $150 worth of groceries to have delivered to a house without a functional refrigerator.

The kids and I kicked it into high gear, moving all the freezer items I felt could still be salvaged (sadly, that did not include several fillets of high-quality frozen wild-caught fish, an entire pork shoulder, or any of the several quarts of local peaches I’d helped pick, clean, and slice) into a cooler, while I attempted to triage the fridge contents without being overly-swayed by emotion (“But…but the EGGO WAFFLES! What about all these EGGO WAFFLES?”)

After force-feeding the kids a hearty dinner of said Eggos – because how could I survive letting $4 in frozen waffles go to waste in the light of losing $100+ in other foods? – we surveyed the damage. Maybe not as bad as I’d first feared, I thought. Many of the groceries I’d had delivered were pantry items; others, like the butter and eggs, wouldn’t go bad right away.

This morning, I woke up to a sitcom-level mountain of troubles. The electric cooler was too full and had failed to adequately cool the bacon. The kids were grumpy and slow to get up. I checked their school portals and found that, to a one, they are all “behind pace”: their virtual school experiences, which so far, if I’m honest, have been extremely disappointing, now seemed tinged with not just disappointment but danger: I’m failing my kids. Or someone is, anyway, and honestly, doesn’t the buck stop with me?

I then moved on to the stack of mail sitting on the kitchen counter, opened the water bill, and just about fell over.

Remember that toilet leak I talked about in an episode a few months ago, and how I believed it had led to a super-high water bill? Turns out, fixing it didn’t fix the problem, and my bill was even higher than last quarter – more than I sometimes spend in an entire year.

Still, what was a (mumblemumblehundred)-dollar water bill in the fact of all this other junk? I shrugged it off with something resembling aplomb, texted the landlord, and went about my day.

But then it came time to make a final decision about booking my room for our upcoming virtual retreat. After extensive (like, maybe overly extensive…) research it became clear that absolutely zero hotels in my closest big city are doing room service right now. I haven’t stayed in a hotel since January, and haven’t really missed it, but something about giving up that 9 PM club sandwich in bed while talking to Sarah bummed me out.

And friends, it bummed me out a whole lot…probably more than is really reasonable, in the face of everything else going on.

Recently I read that article about our collective “surge capacity” and how taxed it is right now (we mentioned it in a recent episode, too, so you might be familiar). The premise of the article is this: we all have an ability to deal with trauma, emergencies, and stressors when they are new and novel, and when there is a clear, present, and temporary action that needs to be taken.

But as time goes on and we become more and more removed from the original catalyst that launched us into action, we also start to lose our motivation, mojo, and mental ability to keep up with the sacrifices we’ve made and the stresses we’re experiencing. And we ARE still experiencing those stressors, and making those sacrifices, every single day…even if we no longer realize it.

We’ve been at this so much longer than we ever really dared to imagine back in March. The frayed edges are starting to show. We are hearing from so many of you via email, Instagram, and in our Facebook community: you’re missing your families, or your aging grandparents. Your little ones are getting (beyond) restless. You’re torn between showing up (online) for work and showing up (also online) for your school-aged kids. Your three-year-olds have apparently all decided to lose their damn minds at the same time. (Honestly, what IS it with three-year-olds right now?)

I think there’s something about the relentless micro-stressors we experience during an ongoing pandemic that can lead to a slightly skewed response to normal issues. Over a matter of a few hours I basically blew off the loss of hundreds of dollars in groceries, but I lost my mind over a few dollars in frozen waffles and all they represented. I had an absolutely crappy morning, including facing the music about my kids’ academic dilemmas and a ridiculous utility bill, but the thing that bothered me most was the loss of a club sandwich delivered to me in a fictional hotel room.

But here’s the thing: it’s all normal. Whatever way you – OR your kids – are responding and reacting to your current reality, whether it’s throwing a tantrum in the grocery store (you or your three-year-old, it’s all fair game) or breaking down in tears over some should-seem-slight disappointment, or reacting logically to economic stressors or work-home-school-life-politics-Zoom-infection-prevention-balance issues, it all makes sense because none of this makes any sense. Blowout diapers, toddlers, or three-year-olds are always a pain, but right now, they’re just the straw that took your surge capacity over the maximum…and that’s OK.

Here’s what I did today. First I went for a short run, because I know it always makes me feel better to move my body, even though I really didn’t want to (yes, it worked). Then I spent an hour researching the best club sandwich in Grand Rapids, Michigan, which I plan to have delivered to the Airbnb I ultimately booked for my end of the retreat.

It’s not the room service I always look forward to when Sarah and I travel together. Heck, Sarah and I won’t even be on the same side of the country when I eat it. But it feels like one small thing I can control, during a time when I can’t control much at all.

Here’s hoping you, too, can find one small moment of pleasure or satisfaction or a simple work-around to buoy up your own personal surge capacity this week.

And maybe, take a moment to pat yourself on the back for making it this far. You’re doing it, mama, and no matter how hopeless it sometimes can feel, the truth is, your surge capacity may be strained, but you’re still doing what needs to be done. Day by day. Month by month. Pandemics, tantrums, and three-year-olds, notwithstanding.

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Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: hard stuff

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New episode! Big black trash bag energy is in ful New episode!

Big black trash bag energy is in full effect over here! In this episode Sarah is joined by contributor @cafedumartin for a conversation about how, why and what we are getting rid of this January. We talk strategic home resets, major junk-hauling, and tips for ongoing clutter maintenance. And while on the surface this episode is about physical stuff, we also acknowledge the emotional complexity that surrounds getting rid of stuff.

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

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This recent picture of Eric and I adventuring in t This recent picture of Eric and I adventuring in the snow, well into our third year of dating, captures so much. 

But there's a lot it doesn't tell you, too. 

It doesn't tell you about the heartbreaking experience of watching my former marriage dissolve.

It doesn't tell you about the confusion and loneliness in the aftermath of my divorce six+ years ago.

It doesn't tell you about the time that, while driving home in the dark on a snowy evening, I reflected on the fact that nobody was expecting me to check in with them that night - that if I skidded into a ditch nobody would think to look for me for days.

It doesn't tell you about the twenty-five - yes, TWENTY-FIVE - first dates I went on prior to meeting Eric (the vast majority of those never turned into a second date.)

It doesn't tell you about the disappointments and doubts and tears leading up to finding my person.

And...

It also doesn't tell you about how much I (grudgingly) grew during that period of singleness. 

The strength and resourcefulness I discovered through having the space to run a household on my own and determine my own path in life. 

The peacefulness of a home run under my own steam, its rhythms based on my own values and priorities. 

The joy (and necessity) of getting back in touch with myself.

If you’re single and looking, I really do hope you find your person soon. I am so grateful for having found mine, and I know how hard it is to hear "your time will come, too" when you see no evidence of that on the horizon. (Especially going into February, right?)

But while you're waiting, there's another person (you) who deserves your attention...

and hard as it may be to see when you’re in the thick of doubt and disappointment…

that person is enough.
Looking for unique classroom valentines *and* a gr Looking for unique classroom valentines *and* a great deal? We love everything about @minted, from the high-quality paper and printing, to the ability to buy unique designs, freshly sourced from a community of independent artists. And right now, Minted has great deals on all things Valentine's Day!

(Pssst: they even have a Disney collection!)

Click this image at the link in our bio to get:
🎒 20% off Valentine photo cards, & classroom Valentines
🎁 20% off photo & stationery gifts on orders $250+
💕 15% off ALL orders with code BEMINE23.
🗓️ Sale ends Monday 1/30!

The Mom Hour is part of Minted's affiliate program, which means if you shop our links we'll earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you!
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Want more help and tips, plus reassurance that you’re doing a great job? (You are.) Search for The Mom Hour in your favorite podcast app and hit subscribe!

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Since this week's podcast episode is all about kids and alone time, we thought we'd revisit this resource on the blog by Sandy Hsu:

👉 How To Encourage Independence In Preschoolers With A “Quiet Time” Routine. 👈 

Sandy (@hopefulsmiles) give tips for implementing a successful quiet time routine AND rounds up products and activities that help make independent play more likely - even in young preschoolers. Check it out by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

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Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
New episode! With all the day-to-day planning requ New episode! With all the day-to-day planning required to run a household, it's easy to put longterm planning on the back burner. Today Meagan and Sarah share lessons we've learned (or are still learning) that help us look ahead at a whole year, quarter, or month at a time. From knowing ourselves and our seasonal rhythms to figuring out where they keep next year's school calendar, we've picked up a few things over the years, and we're ready to dive in for 2023. Join us! 

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal y Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal you heard on our podcast? You're in luck because here's our sponsor roundup for January. Once a month, we use this space to thank our partners and remind you of their special offers. For our special promo codes and links, just tap our saved "Sponsors" highlight or search the brand name on our website. And when you do check out our sponsors + use our links and codes, it helps support our show! We also collect ALL our active promo codes in our email newsletter - which is full of our latest episodes and blog posts, personal updates, community news, and more. Tap on this image at the link in our bio to subscribe today.

Shoutout to our NEW sponsors:
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💪 @futurefitapp (risk-free trial of 1-on-1 personal training!)
🔪 @prepdish (2 weeks free of healthy, prep-ahead meal plans!)
🎨 @minted (design marketplace with art, bags, gifts & more!)
📚 @chatbooks (deals on the easiest photo books ever!)
😍 @fabletics (2 stylish workout bottoms for $24!)

And welcome back . . . 
⭐️ @stitchfix ($20 off your 1st purchase!)
⭐️ @theessentialcalendar (10% off full-season calendars!)
⭐️ @hiyahealth (50% off 1st order!)
⭐️ @kiwico_inc (50% off your 1st mo!)
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⭐️ @vionicshoes (free shipping on cute, comfy shoes!)
Braces on, braces off. First phones, driver's ed, Braces on, braces off. First phones, driver's ed, high school registration. As we discussed in this week's episode, we still get all the feels when older kids meet cultural or developmental milestones - even if they cringe when we celebrate and share.

Would love to hear what you're celebrating about your older kids! Everything from learning a new skill to blossoming independence - leave us a comment! 

PS - Listen to the episode in your favorite podcast app, or by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

#parenting #parentingbigkids #parentingteens #parentingtweens #bigkidmilestone #teenagers #tweens #momoftweens #momofteens #momofteenagers
Turns out, when your last baby approaches double-d Turns out, when your last baby approaches double-digits, you find yourself staring a different milestone right in the (puffy) face:

It's been a decade since I was pregnant for the last time. 

This photo was taken the morning of my scheduled c-section, just a few hours before we'd meet our third and last babe. It's hard to remember, but I'm SURE I was ready to be done. Constant braxton-hicks, heartburn I hadn't experienced with the other two, food aversions that lasted the whole 39w5d, and physical exhaustion trying to keep up with a 2- and 4-year old: all part of an otherwise uncomplicated pregnancy, but still nobody's idea of easy.

I don't miss it - being pregnant. Grateful to have had the experience, absolutely. But I've never really pined for another go-around, at least not seriously. Still, a whole decade removed feels as significant a milestone to me as does the notion that that double-dimpled babe will blow out ten candles this weekend.

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...learning to read 
...kids and friendships; playground politics
...making school decisions for a special needs student 
...becoming part of a classroom or school community 
 
Click this image at the link in our bio to get the guide. Bookmark it, send it to your co-parent or mom friends, and use it as a starting place as you wade through this tricky time of year! 

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Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

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New episode! Big black trash bag energy is in ful New episode!

Big black trash bag energy is in full effect over here! In this episode Sarah is joined by contributor @cafedumartin for a conversation about how, why and what we are getting rid of this January. We talk strategic home resets, major junk-hauling, and tips for ongoing clutter maintenance. And while on the surface this episode is about physical stuff, we also acknowledge the emotional complexity that surrounds getting rid of stuff.

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
This recent picture of Eric and I adventuring in t This recent picture of Eric and I adventuring in the snow, well into our third year of dating, captures so much. 

But there's a lot it doesn't tell you, too. 

It doesn't tell you about the heartbreaking experience of watching my former marriage dissolve.

It doesn't tell you about the confusion and loneliness in the aftermath of my divorce six+ years ago.

It doesn't tell you about the time that, while driving home in the dark on a snowy evening, I reflected on the fact that nobody was expecting me to check in with them that night - that if I skidded into a ditch nobody would think to look for me for days.

It doesn't tell you about the twenty-five - yes, TWENTY-FIVE - first dates I went on prior to meeting Eric (the vast majority of those never turned into a second date.)

It doesn't tell you about the disappointments and doubts and tears leading up to finding my person.

And...

It also doesn't tell you about how much I (grudgingly) grew during that period of singleness. 

The strength and resourcefulness I discovered through having the space to run a household on my own and determine my own path in life. 

The peacefulness of a home run under my own steam, its rhythms based on my own values and priorities. 

The joy (and necessity) of getting back in touch with myself.

If you’re single and looking, I really do hope you find your person soon. I am so grateful for having found mine, and I know how hard it is to hear "your time will come, too" when you see no evidence of that on the horizon. (Especially going into February, right?)

But while you're waiting, there's another person (you) who deserves your attention...

and hard as it may be to see when you’re in the thick of doubt and disappointment…

that person is enough.
Looking for unique classroom valentines *and* a gr Looking for unique classroom valentines *and* a great deal? We love everything about @minted, from the high-quality paper and printing, to the ability to buy unique designs, freshly sourced from a community of independent artists. And right now, Minted has great deals on all things Valentine's Day!

(Pssst: they even have a Disney collection!)

Click this image at the link in our bio to get:
🎒 20% off Valentine photo cards, & classroom Valentines
🎁 20% off photo & stationery gifts on orders $250+
💕 15% off ALL orders with code BEMINE23.
🗓️ Sale ends Monday 1/30!

The Mom Hour is part of Minted's affiliate program, which means if you shop our links we'll earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you!
Here’s your January reminder to save shoeboxes f Here’s your January reminder to save shoeboxes for February and March classroom projects! Valentine boxes and leprechaun traps are around the corner, and shoe boxes are so much harder to come by these days. Consider this a friendly head’s up from a mom who’s been there.

Want more help and tips, plus reassurance that you’re doing a great job? (You are.) Search for The Mom Hour in your favorite podcast app and hit subscribe!

#kindergarten #firstgrade #valentinebox #leprechauntrap #shoeboxcraft #roomparent #roommom #classroomvalentines #parenting #momlife #parentingtip #tipsformoms
Looking to implement daily "quiet time" for presch Looking to implement daily "quiet time" for preschoolers? Even for kids who want to GO GO GO all day long, having a built-in pause in the day can help develop independent play skills, encourage rest, and - of course - give caregivers a chance to reset as well.

Since this week's podcast episode is all about kids and alone time, we thought we'd revisit this resource on the blog by Sandy Hsu:

👉 How To Encourage Independence In Preschoolers With A “Quiet Time” Routine. 👈 

Sandy (@hopefulsmiles) give tips for implementing a successful quiet time routine AND rounds up products and activities that help make independent play more likely - even in young preschoolers. Check it out by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

#quiettime #parentingtoddlers #parentingpreschoolers #momoflittles #stayathomemom #stayathomeparent #activitiesforpreschoolers #activitiesfortoddlers #threeyearolds #fouryearolds #fiveyearolds #momlife #sahm #sahmlife
New episode! Does solitude come naturally to your New episode!

Does solitude come naturally to your kids, or are moments of solo play far and few between? Meagan and Sarah read some research recently that challenged us to think about the importance of alone time, and whether our kids get enough. In this episode, we dive into our own childhood memories, how our children embrace (or run from) solitude, and how challenging it is to find that just-right balance. Join us! 

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
New episode! With all the day-to-day planning requ New episode! With all the day-to-day planning required to run a household, it's easy to put longterm planning on the back burner. Today Meagan and Sarah share lessons we've learned (or are still learning) that help us look ahead at a whole year, quarter, or month at a time. From knowing ourselves and our seasonal rhythms to figuring out where they keep next year's school calendar, we've picked up a few things over the years, and we're ready to dive in for 2023. Join us! 

Find the episode wherever you get your podcasts, or click this image at the link in our bio!

#themomhour #motherhood #mompodcast #podcastsformoms #parenting #parentingpodcast #podcastlove #trypod #podcastersofinstagram #shepodcasts
Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal y Happy Saturday! Been meaning to check out a deal you heard on our podcast? You're in luck because here's our sponsor roundup for January. Once a month, we use this space to thank our partners and remind you of their special offers. For our special promo codes and links, just tap our saved "Sponsors" highlight or search the brand name on our website. And when you do check out our sponsors + use our links and codes, it helps support our show! We also collect ALL our active promo codes in our email newsletter - which is full of our latest episodes and blog posts, personal updates, community news, and more. Tap on this image at the link in our bio to subscribe today.

Shoutout to our NEW sponsors:
🍳 @caraway_home (10% off gorgeous, non-toxic cookware!)
💪 @futurefitapp (risk-free trial of 1-on-1 personal training!)
🔪 @prepdish (2 weeks free of healthy, prep-ahead meal plans!)
🎨 @minted (design marketplace with art, bags, gifts & more!)
📚 @chatbooks (deals on the easiest photo books ever!)
😍 @fabletics (2 stylish workout bottoms for $24!)

And welcome back . . . 
⭐️ @stitchfix ($20 off your 1st purchase!)
⭐️ @theessentialcalendar (10% off full-season calendars!)
⭐️ @hiyahealth (50% off 1st order!)
⭐️ @kiwico_inc (50% off your 1st mo!)
⭐️ @athleticgreens (1yr of Vit.D + 5 travel packs!)
⭐️ @vionicshoes (free shipping on cute, comfy shoes!)
Braces on, braces off. First phones, driver's ed, Braces on, braces off. First phones, driver's ed, high school registration. As we discussed in this week's episode, we still get all the feels when older kids meet cultural or developmental milestones - even if they cringe when we celebrate and share.

Would love to hear what you're celebrating about your older kids! Everything from learning a new skill to blossoming independence - leave us a comment! 

PS - Listen to the episode in your favorite podcast app, or by clicking this image at the link in our bio!

#parenting #parentingbigkids #parentingteens #parentingtweens #bigkidmilestone #teenagers #tweens #momoftweens #momofteens #momofteenagers
Turns out, when your last baby approaches double-d Turns out, when your last baby approaches double-digits, you find yourself staring a different milestone right in the (puffy) face:

It's been a decade since I was pregnant for the last time. 

This photo was taken the morning of my scheduled c-section, just a few hours before we'd meet our third and last babe. It's hard to remember, but I'm SURE I was ready to be done. Constant braxton-hicks, heartburn I hadn't experienced with the other two, food aversions that lasted the whole 39w5d, and physical exhaustion trying to keep up with a 2- and 4-year old: all part of an otherwise uncomplicated pregnancy, but still nobody's idea of easy.

I don't miss it - being pregnant. Grateful to have had the experience, absolutely. But I've never really pined for another go-around, at least not seriously. Still, a whole decade removed feels as significant a milestone to me as does the notion that that double-dimpled babe will blow out ten candles this weekend.

Time, like, whoa. 

-Sarah

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